Melissa Auf der Maur Confronts Past in '90s Rock Memoir 'Even the Good Girls Will Cry'
Former Hole and Smashing Pumpkins bassist Melissa Auf der Maur has released a deeply personal memoir that revisits her turbulent years in the 1990s rock scene while celebrating her Montreal roots. The book, titled Even the Good Girls Will Cry: A '90s Rock Memoir, arrives on March 17, coinciding with Auf der Maur's 54th birthday, marking a significant moment of reflection and healing for the musician.
From Montreal to Global Rock Stardom
Auf der Maur's journey began in Montreal, where she was raised by prominent parents—late Gazette columnist and city councillor Nick Auf der Maur and cultural journalist Linda Gaboriau. She credits her hometown and unconventional upbringing with providing the foundation that helped her navigate the chaotic world of international rock fame. "The city of Montreal and my parents are most of the armour I had," Auf der Maur explained, "that helped me keep a strong sense of self" during her rise to stardom.
The memoir dedicates substantial space to her pre-fame years, including her education at FACE school, Dawson College, and Concordia University, where she studied photography before music took over. Her early experiences as a cassette DJ at Montreal's legendary Le Bifteck rock bar foreshadowed the career that would soon explode onto the global stage.
Navigating the Hurricane of '90s Rock
In 1994, Auf der Maur joined Hole as bassist following the tragic deaths of Kristen Pfaff and Kurt Cobain. She describes entering "the eye of the hurricane"—a band in mourning led by Courtney Love, who was battling heroin addiction and facing intense public scrutiny. "There were no adults in any room," Auf der Maur recalled of those chaotic years. "It was completely out of control."
The memoir provides intimate details of life on tour with one of the most scrutinized bands of the era, including:
- Performing before 65,000 fans at the Reading Festival in 1994
- Facing hostile audiences who threw bullet shells at Love
- Navigating the intense media spotlight as a woman in rock
- Developing relationships with other musicians including Dave Grohl and Beck
Auf der Maur makes clear that part of her mission in writing the book was to "reframe Courtney" and Hole's place in rock history. "She deserves it, because she was a pioneer ahead of her time," she said of Love. "The history of women is wrongly told and only women can tell it."
Personal Demons and Family Legacy
The memoir delves deeply into Auf der Maur's personal life, including her complex relationship with her father, who struggled with alcoholism before his death in 1998. She reveals a long-held secret about the night he died, describing the process of writing about it as part of her healing journey. "Part of writing it was to heal from it," she confessed, noting that recording the audiobook brought her to tears.
Her father's addiction issues provided unexpected preparation for the world she entered with Hole. "I have that in my bloodline," Auf der Maur explained, "so it was quite easy for me to adapt to addiction, mental illness and amazingness, remarkableness."
Creative Rebirth and New Directions
Now living in upstate New York with her filmmaker husband Tony Stone and their 14-year-old daughter River, Auf der Maur is experiencing a creative renaissance. She recently picked up the bass for the first time in over a decade and is working on new material, while also contributing to Courtney Love's upcoming solo album.
Photography—her original passion before music—has returned to center stage. An exhibition of her '90s rock photographs, Melissa Auf der Maur: My '90s Rock Photographs, opens at the Art Gallery of Ontario in September, accompanied by a hardcover photo book. Between 10,000 and 20,000 images she took during her touring years provide visual documentation of that era, with dozens included in the memoir.
"I wrote this book to be able to unpack things I haven't dealt with," Auf der Maur said of her motivations. "I did that for personal self-reflection and healing and also for my daughter to be able to be someone who actually works through their shit."
The writing process itself became therapeutic during the pandemic, when she enrolled in a year-long online writing class that helped shape the memoir. "I loved writing it," she revealed. "It's a newfound solace to my life. I found a new way of channeling energy and ideas."
As she approaches her mid-50s, Auf der Maur sees the memoir as both a closing of one chapter and an opening of another—one where she can finally put the past to rest while embracing new creative pursuits. The book stands as testament to survival in an industry known for chewing up and spitting out its participants, and to the enduring power of artistic reinvention.
