Stephen Miller's 'Alpha Male' Dating Advice Sparks Expert Criticism
Earlier this week, Katie Miller, wife of former Trump aide Stephen Miller, revived an awkward personal anecdote during a Fox News appearance that has reignited discussion about the couple's unconventional dynamic. She described her husband as a "sexual matador" who energizes her with morning speeches about political victories, offering a rare window into their private life.
Miller's Controversial Romantic Guidance
This revelation connects to Stephen Miller's own previous dating advice shared on "Jesse Watters Primetime" in 2024, where he first earned the cringe-worthy "matador" label. During that segment, Miller offered guidance to single men seeking romantic success.
"Well, let me give advice to any young man that's out there. I'm married now, I have children. But I wasn't married that long ago, I was single, I was on the market," Miller stated, according to The Independent. "If you are a young man — it's very important in election season — who's looking to impress the ladies, to be the alpha, to be attractive ... The best thing you can do is wear your Trump support on your sleeve."
He elaborated further: "Show that you are a real man. Show that you are not a beta. Right? Be a proud and loud Trump supporter and your dating life will be fantastic."
Evidence Contradicts Political Dating Strategy
Research suggests Miller's political dating strategy may backfire. An American Enterprise Institute survey found nearly three-quarters of college-educated women and 52% of all single women surveyed would be less likely to date a Trump supporter. A separate 2024 Coffee Meets Bagel dating app study revealed 4 out of 5 women would reject someone supporting Trump. Some dating app users even conceal political views to avoid rejection.
The Problematic 'Alpha Male' Fantasy
Beyond political affiliation, experts particularly criticize Miller's promotion of "alpha male" behavior. This concept, ubiquitous in manosphere circles, promotes a reductive masculinity model emphasizing dominance over vulnerability, emotional detachment, financial obsession, rigid attractiveness hierarchies, and distrust of women's autonomy.
Relationship professionals argue this approach damages potential for healthy partnerships. "I think the 'alpha male' advice overly simplifies a more complex problem and thus, causes more difficulty than it solves," explains Lorain Moorehead, licensed psychotherapist. "It can often have manipulative or domineering undertones."
Sophie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, adds: "These ideas rarely go hand-in-hand with being an emotionally intelligent, kind and respectful partner, both to yourself and the person you're dating."
Roos warns of long-term consequences: "The biggest risk is that men are forced into a hard and macho character, which they aren't even comfortable with themselves. If you think you always need to be emotionally disconnected toward your soft sides and dominant, you'll never be able to create a happy long-term relationship."
Why Problematic Advice Persists
Despite its flaws, alpha male advice maintains popularity partly because it offers simple rules during vulnerable life transitions. "These influencers are grasping for a set of rules to apply in a world they were not raised to understand," says Caroline Millet, former matchmaker and coach. "They want an easy, clear, one-size-fits-all answer to getting what they want."
Millet identifies the economic incentives: "Most of it is clickbait. Easy answers are the easiest to sell. They want someone to tell them what to do. Manosphere influencers offer up an intoxicating blend of easy answers, pseudo-science, pop psychology and misogyny that hits vulnerable audiences in the sweet spot."
Moorehead notes the illusion of control: "I think this advice is popular because dating is an area of life that even the most determined and driven person feels they have to relinquish control because it involves the preferences and considerations of a second person."
Alternative Approaches to Healthy Relationships
Experts recommend cultivating genuine qualities rather than performing alpha stereotypes. "A confident, competent, self-assured person doesn't need these rule sets," Millet emphasizes. "They have their set of values, their integrity, and their awareness of the world set and flexible enough to adapt with changing circumstances."
Moorehead suggests self-investment: "I would instead encourage taking away the ideas that individuals can invest in themselves, their interests, hobbies and work. They can be excited to date and meet people and they can decide if they enjoy the company of the woman just as she can decide if she enjoys his company."
Millet offers straightforward guidance: "Go ask the strong, confident women in your life what they look for in a man, how they want to be treated, what do they consider a good dating flow and trust them. You ask people who are in relationships that seem strong and healthy how they do it. You ask the type of women you would love to date what they want."
