Let's clear the air: there's absolutely nothing unexciting about vanilla sex. Defined as more traditional than kink or BDSM, it remains a deeply pleasurable and satisfying choice for many. However, even the most delightful routines can benefit from a dash of creativity. Canadian experts explain why exploring new dimensions of intimacy can strengthen your bond and offer practical, accessible ways to turn up the heat.
Why Consider Enhancing Your Intimate Routine?
Nicolle Dirksen, a noted sex and couples therapist, challenges the notion that vanilla is bland. "Vanilla sex is sometimes thought of as 'boring' sex, but vanilla is a popular flavor for a reason: It's delicious!" she told HuffPost. If you're wholly content, she affirms, no change is necessary. Yet, introducing new elements can invite significant perks, primarily through improved communication.
"Experimenting with sex requires open, honest, and often vulnerable conversations," Dirksen explains. "While this can feel super awkward at first, over time it becomes easier... and this openness tends to extend to other areas of your relationship."
Jordan D'Nelle, a women's sexual health educator, adds that routines can become monotonous. "As adults, we often forget how to have fun," she said. "Isn't that the point of life?" Introducing play and creativity, she argues, leads to more of the pleasure we all deserve.
Simple Strategies to Elevate Sensual Connection
Transforming your intimate moments doesn't require a radical overhaul. These expert-approved ideas focus on sensory engagement and mindful presence.
1. Craft an Engaging Atmosphere
The foundation for more adventurous connection is set before any clothes come off, says Cindy Scharkey, a registered nurse and author. "No one gets turned on looking at piles of dirty laundry." She advises creating a sultry stage by tidying up, using flattering lighting like candles, and even changing locations. "Try having sex on a chair, stairs, or [in the] shower," she suggests. Simple props like pillows can also facilitate new positions.
2. Engage All Five Senses
Dirksen recommends a full sensory immersion to heighten experience. This could involve lighting a sensual candle (smell), giving a massage (touch), bringing whipped cream into play (taste), wearing new lingerie (sight), and curating a sexy playlist (sound). "Sensory play is a great place to start," she notes, "because it allows you to dip your toe in without jumping way out of your comfort zone."
3. Introduce Mindful Accessories
Items like sex toys, blindfolds, or feathers can inject novelty, which is linked to sexual satisfaction. D'Nelle highlights an added benefit: they can "help you become more present and mindful... in the bedroom, but also in your day-to-day life." This focused presence paves the way for greater sexual harmony and more frequent orgasms.
4. Explore Role-Play Scenarios
For long-term relationships feeling predictable, role-play offers a creative escape. "You may feel more comfortable exploring something new... because it's not you. It's just a role you are playing," D'Nelle explains. Popular scenarios include a nurse-doctor dynamic or strangers meeting at a bar. Notably, a U.K. survey found role-play gains popularity after age 40, as individuals often feel more self-assured.
5. Don't Underestimate Lubricant
Scharkey, nicknamed the Lube Fairy, champions lubricant as a key tool for enhancing all sex, vanilla included. "It can make the sex you're having slicker, longer lasting, and more enjoyable," she says. For added flair, try flavored or warming varieties. Research indicates women in their 40s experience more pleasurable, orgasmic sex with lube, and their partners enjoy the added sensation too.
The Ultimate Goal: Prioritize Shared Pleasure
The consensus among experts is clear: keep pleasure at the forefront of your exploration. "We all deserve pleasure in excess," D'Nelle asserts. "By exploring, you discover new things that you like and potentially get exposed to levels of pleasure you have never experienced before." Whether you stick with classic vanilla or add a few new toppings, the journey towards deeper connection and enjoyment is what truly matters.
