In a heartfelt letter to Dear Abby, an adult son in his late 30s, who lives halfway across the country from his parents, seeks guidance on a delicate family matter. He describes a strained relationship with his parents and a 20-year estrangement from his younger brother, who resides in the same city as their parents.
The Core Issue: Avoiding an Unwanted Reunion
The son's primary concern revolves around his desire to visit his parents without encountering his brother. He explains that his mother, in particular, tends to inform his brother about his visits and invites him over, which he strongly opposes due to past grievances.
"I don't like my brother and don't want to see him," he writes, emphasizing that reconciliation is impossible because of "horrible things" his brother did two decades ago that he can never forgive.
Proposed Solution: Setting Clear Boundaries
Frustrated by his parents' inability to understand his perspective without drastic measures, the son outlines a plan. He intends to tell his parents they must agree not to invite his brother over during his visit. If they cannot respect this condition, he will simply not see them, noting he has alternative lodging with friends in the area and has previously visited the city without contacting his parents.
He asks Dear Abby for advice on how to "lay down the law" and enforce it effectively, seeking a way to communicate his needs without causing further conflict.
Dear Abby's Response: Honesty and Boundaries
In her reply, Dear Abby advises the son to have an honest conversation with his parents. She suggests he explain the history with his brother and clearly state his wish to never see him again. The key is to emphasize that he wants to visit them but requires that his brother not be informed or invited during his stay.
"If they cannot agree, explain (without hostility) that you will skip the visit," Dear Abby writes, framing this not as an ultimatum but as creating a necessary boundary for his emotional well-being.
Additional Advice Column: A Distraught Husband's Dilemma
The article also includes a second letter from a husband in Pennsylvania, whose wife was diagnosed with postpartum depression after the birth of their third child six months ago. She has cheated on him multiple times, moved out, and is now dating a woman while seeking a divorce.
Despite forgiving her and still loving her, the husband is concerned about the negative impact on their other children. His wife refuses to acknowledge this, blames him, and declines counseling. Dear Abby offers two approaches: consulting a mental health professional to understand if postpartum depression is influencing her behavior, and interviewing family law lawyers to ensure he maintains time with his children.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips, providing timeless advice on personal and family issues.
