Dear Abby: Mother Confronts Financial Crisis Over Estranged Son's Unpaid College Loans
A mother who co-signed education loans for her son ten years ago is now grappling with a severe financial predicament after discovering he never completed college and is avoiding repayment. The situation has escalated to debt collector involvement, threatening her retirement savings and straining their already fractured relationship.
The Unfolding Financial Dilemma
The mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, co-signed two education loans when her son began college a decade ago. She only learned from a third party two years ago that he had dropped out without informing her. When confronted, he vaguely mentioned intentions to finish his degree but provided no details on completed credits or reasons for leaving.
Shortly after this conversation, communication ceased entirely due to unrelated issues, leaving them without contact for two years. The mother recently received a notice from a debt collector regarding the loan, prompting unsuccessful attempts to reach her son about payment plans.
A History of Financial Dependency
The son has a documented history of poor financial management, relying on his mother to bail him out of monetary troubles until their estrangement. She previously paid off another of his defaulted education loans, and he now owes her a substantial sum. At an age where building a retirement fund is crucial, repaying this loan would significantly deplete her savings.
Several acquaintances have recommended legal action against her son, but the mother hesitates, fearing it might permanently sever their relationship. She seeks less aggressive alternatives to hold him accountable.
Abby's Blunt Advice
In her response, Abby characterizes the son as a deadbeat who is avoiding his mother precisely because he has no intention of repaying the co-signed loans. She advises the mother to consult an attorney to explore her options, emphasizing that this step is not aggressive or punitive but rather a necessary measure to extricate herself from financial jeopardy.
Additional Reader Concern: Technology and Social Skills
The column also addresses another reader's frustration about parents using phones during family meals, which they view as disrespectful and detrimental to social skill development. Abby concurs, labeling such behavior as lazy parenting that fails to model proper communication. She notes this issue has concerned educators and behavioral specialists for decades, contributing to generations struggling with interpersonal interactions.
Dear Abby is authored by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column continues to offer straightforward advice on personal and family matters.
