DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend from work whom I will call Jon. Whenever he visits, his girlfriend comes along. She shows no interest in befriending me, yet she spends hours talking to my husband. When I try to engage her, she ignores me. She once wanted to cook in my kitchen but insisted on my husband's help instead of mine. She always sits next to him and creates inside jokes, making me feel invisible in my own home. Jon does not intervene, and she also ignores him. Now she is looking to move two minutes away from us. I am uncomfortable and unsure what to do since we value Jon's friendship. — UNCOMFORTABLE IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: It is time to take action. Have you discussed this with your husband? If not, do so immediately. Explain that Jon's girlfriend appears to have a significant crush on him, disregarding your relationship and treating Jon disrespectfully. Then tell your spouse that you no longer want her in your home or neighborhood. If he hesitates, you must speak up. Inform Jon directly that you do not wish her around and explain why.
Second Letter: Concern for Overweight Son
DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my 26-year-old son, Caleb, who is severely overweight. I love him unconditionally, but I believe he binge eats to cope with anxiety and depression. He bonded with his late mother over food. For instance, he ate three pizzas to celebrate a TV show finale and an entire box of brownies in under 30 minutes just to see if he could. When I suggest healthier options or smaller portions, he responds sarcastically, saying things like vegetables are poison or let piggy eat his slop. He rarely leaves his basement room and has lost touch with friends. He is emotionally immature, making it hard to discuss this. I just want him to be healthy and happy. How can I reach him? — WORRIED DAD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR DAD: Stop lecturing Caleb about his diet, as it is not working. At 26, he is an adult man living in your basement. If he is unemployed, insist he find a job immediately. This will get him out of his room regularly and may boost his self-esteem. Have discussions about his plans for an independent life. Consider sessions with a licensed mental health professional to address his emotional issues.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
