Family Conflict Over Elderly Mother's Care Prompts Advice Column Response
In a heartfelt letter to the popular advice column Dear Abby, a man from Pennsylvania has shared his distress over the treatment of his wife's elderly mother, sparking a discussion about family dynamics and elder care responsibilities. The column, authored by Jeanne Phillips and published on February 6, 2026, addresses the emotional turmoil faced by families when communication breaks down.
The Situation: A Sudden Move Without Consultation
The writer, who identifies as "Upset in Pennsylvania," explains that he has been happily married for three decades. However, his wife's family—including two older sisters and their 97-year-old mother—has increasingly rejected both him and his wife. While the relationship with the mother-in-law remains cordial, ties with the sisters are strained.
The conflict escalated recently when the sisters placed their mother into an elder care facility without informing the couple or inviting them to tour the location. By the time they discovered the move, all paperwork had been finalized. The new facility is located two hours away from where the mother had been living, closer to the oldest sister, forcing her to abandon her social life and long-time doctors of over 30 years.
"Starting anew is hard at any age," the writer notes, adding that his mother-in-law has expressed depression about the situation. He questions her competency in making such a decision but acknowledges that litigation is not feasible due to budget constraints. The couple feels trapped between silent anger and the futility of confronting the sisters.
Dear Abby's Response: Validation and Perspective
In her reply, Abby assumes that the sister likely holds power of attorney for the mother, who at 97 may require increasing care. She points out that many of the mother's friends have likely passed away, making a move to assisted living near family a logical step. While acknowledging that it would have been considerate to keep the wife informed, Abby emphasizes the existing lack of cordiality in the sisters' relationship.
"You both are entitled to your feelings about what has happened, but please don't let it rule your lives," Abby advises, offering validation for their anger while encouraging them to move forward without letting the conflict dominate their emotions.
Additional Advice on Wedding Invitation Drama
The column also includes a second letter from "Thrown in Oregon," who describes tension with long-time friends over a destination wedding invitation. The friend is upset that the writer's adult children cannot attend due to work and family commitments, despite the children having grown apart years ago. Abby advises letting the issue go, stating that adult children have their own priorities and cannot be controlled.
This dual response highlights common themes in family and friendship conflicts, where expectations and communication gaps lead to hurt feelings. Dear Abby, founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, continues to provide guidance on navigating such personal challenges, reminding readers to focus on what they can control and accept what they cannot.
