Dear Abby: Family's Black Sheep Could Use a Little Help Now and Then
Author of the article: Jeanne Phillips
Published: February 26, 2026 • Last updated: 0 minutes ago • Reading time: 4 minutes
A senior citizen living alone in an apartment has reached out to advice columnist Dear Abby with a heartfelt dilemma about family dynamics and financial struggle. The letter writer, who identifies as the "wild child" among siblings, now faces health challenges that have drastically changed their circumstances.
The Family Dynamic
The writer describes maintaining close and loving relationships with four siblings throughout their lives, despite taking different paths. "I was always the wild child and did pretty much what I wanted," they explain. "My four siblings stuck to the straight and narrow."
Now in their later years, the siblings all lead comfortable lives while the writer struggles with significant health issues. "I became injured and gravely ill," they share. "I could no longer work and now live on supplemental security income and food stamps."
The Painful Contrast
What particularly hurts the writer is observing their siblings' generous charitable giving while receiving no direct assistance. "My siblings all give generously to food banks and homeless charities, even putting some homeless people up in hotels, which is great," they note. "But not one of them thinks to ask me if I have enough food or anything. I'm really hurt."
The writer acknowledges that their siblings have occasionally helped with minor items like buying a chest of drawers in the past, and recognizes they "could easily support me if they wanted to." This contrast between public charity and private neglect creates emotional distress.
Abby's Direct Advice
Dear Abby responds with straightforward guidance: "Your relatives are not mind readers. If you need help, speak up, explain the problem and ask for help in plain English."
She emphasizes practical communication over silent suffering. "The worst they can do is refuse, and you will be no worse off than you are," Abby advises, encouraging the writer to be direct about their needs rather than hoping family members will intuit their situation.
Additional Reader Concerns
The column includes two other letters addressing different relationship challenges:
- Grief Response Concerns: A wife worries about her husband's lack of visible grief after his mother's sudden death. Abby explains that everyone processes loss differently and advises against worrying unless his basic functioning declines.
- Accessibility Challenges: A disabled individual describes people pushing past them when doors are held open due to their disability. Abby suggests responding firmly but constructively to such entitled behavior.
The Broader Context
This advice column highlights several important social issues:
- Family support systems and how they function (or fail) during times of need
- Communication barriers that prevent people from asking for help
- Financial vulnerability among seniors and disabled individuals
- Social awareness about accessibility and consideration for others
The writer concludes by noting they're "OK" thanks to food assistance from their affordable housing complex, but the emotional wound of family neglect remains unaddressed without direct communication.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column continues to address personal and relationship challenges with practical, compassionate advice.
