Parents frequently shoulder the blame when their children experience intense emotional outbursts or dysregulation. A child psychologist from Edmonton is now urging caregivers to release this guilt and adopt more effective strategies.
Moving Beyond Parental Self-Blame
In a segment for CTV's Your Morning, child psychologist Tammy Schamuhn addressed a common but counterproductive pattern among parents. She emphasized that when kids display big emotions or become dysregulated, the immediate reaction is often for parents to internalize the fault. Schamuhn clarifies that this self-blame is not only unhelpful but can also hinder the supportive response a child needs in that moment.
The core of her message is that emotional dysregulation in children is a developmental challenge, not a reflection of poor parenting. Children are still learning to navigate and understand their own feelings, a process that involves the brain's executive functions, which are not fully developed until early adulthood.
Understanding Dysregulation vs. Big Emotions
Schamuhn distinguishes between typical "big emotions" and more severe dysregulation. All children experience strong feelings like frustration, anger, or sadness. Dysregulation, however, occurs when a child is so overwhelmed by emotion that they cannot calm down or respond to logic or comfort in that moment. Their nervous system is in a state of high alert.
The psychologist's tips are designed to help parents navigate both scenarios without defaulting to guilt. Her advice focuses on parental regulation first—managing your own stress response—before attempting to co-regulate with the child. This might involve taking a deep breath, pausing, and approaching the situation with calm intent rather than reactive emotion.
Practical Strategies for Supportive Parenting
While the full details of Schamuhn's specific tips were highlighted in the video segment, the overarching principles involve validation and connection. Instead of dismissing a child's feelings or immediately trying to fix the problem, parents are encouraged to acknowledge the emotion. Simple phrases like "I see you're really upset" or "This feels really hard right now" can make a child feel understood.
Creating a consistent and predictable environment, along with teaching emotional vocabulary when the child is calm, are also key preventative measures. The goal is to build a child's toolkit for emotional resilience over time, not to achieve perfect behavior in every stressful moment. By shifting focus from blame to supportive coaching, parents can foster healthier emotional development and strengthen their bond with their children.
