Dear Abby: Navigating Family Tensions in a Same-Sex Marriage
A reader, identifying as part of a same-sex couple, writes to Abby about the ongoing conflict between her husband and her sister. The tension has persisted for 17 years, leaving the reader feeling torn between her spouse and her only close family.
The reader explains that her sister and brother-in-law visit once a year for a few days, but her husband now avoids them entirely, even opting to stay in a hotel during part of their visit. She suspects her sister may feel competitive or jealous of their relationship, describing her as self-focused and her husband as quiet and disengaged.
Abby responds by suggesting that if the sister and her husband cannot treat the reader’s husband with more warmth, it is understandable why he would not welcome them. She advises putting them up in a hotel and meeting for meals or outings outside the home. This way, the husband can limit his exposure without having to flee his own house, reducing awkwardness.
In another letter, a 36-year-old divorced man living with his girlfriend for a year says she is more accomplished and sophisticated, and she brings this up in arguments. Abby labels this behavior as intellectual bullying, noting that her people skills are atrocious. She advises the man to tell his girlfriend that if she continues to fight unfairly, she will drive him away.
A third letter comes from a 32-year-old single gay man who has stopped looking for relationships and feels increasingly comfortable keeping a distance from most people. He cites his own drama and a growing distrust of others, including his employer. Abby recommends he seek therapy at an LGBTQ community center and consider a career change if necessary, as constant vigilance is unhealthy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Readers can contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
