Dear Abby: Our beloved mother passed away two and a half years ago, leaving me and my three siblings deeply saddened. Her death occurred on my adult son's birthday. I strive to focus solely on celebrating my wonderful son, but my older sister sends me sorrowful messages, stories, and pictures, often starting days before. How can I kindly ask her to remember this day not as the anniversary of our mother's death, but as the birth of her godson? I still love and miss our mother, but I need this date back. — Sad but Happy Sister
Dear Abby's Response
Dear Sad: You cannot prevent your sister from remembering the date of your mother's death; it's something she cannot forget. However, you can express how her messages affect you on your son's happy birthday and gently request that she stop. Emphasize that this doesn't diminish your love for your mother.
Additional Advice on Gift-Giving
Dear Abby: Some people love shopping and giving gifts, while others dislike it and prefer not to receive random presents. Those who don't enjoy shopping struggle to find ideas, and their gifts may be unwanted. How can we politely stop random gift-giving? — No More Gifts
Dear No More Gifts: You cannot stop others from giving gifts, but you can release yourself from guilt. Gifts are freely given with no expectations. If you've been reciprocating, stop. If gifts continue, remember that generosity is not a flaw.
Concern for a Boss on Leave
Dear Abby: I've worked for my boss for four years and care for him deeply. He took a medical leave months ago, and no one knows why. I'm worried he might have passed away. Shouldn't he have contacted me to reassure me? — Worried in the West
Dear Worried: When your boss returns, simply say, "I'm glad you're back; I was concerned." Do not pry. If he shares details, listen sympathetically, then focus on work.
