Why Pediatricians Insist on Private Conversations with Teens During Checkups
During routine pediatric visits, discussions typically cover sleep patterns, appetite, and school performance after reviewing vital signs and growth charts. However, as children transition into their preteen and teenage years, a common practice has emerged: doctors may briefly ask parents to leave the examination room. This allows adolescents to speak privately with their healthcare provider, fostering an environment where they can openly discuss concerns without parental presence.
This scenario recently ignited a heated online debate after a TikTok video sparked conversations among parents, teenagers, and medical professionals. In the comments section, one skeptical parent expressed a recurring concern: "Not a chance and not on your life. There is no way a parent can know if they trust that doctor or not based on the three-minute visit they gave six months before."
The Essential Role of Confidential Conversations
Medical experts emphasize that these private moments are not about excluding parents but creating a crucial space where teenagers feel seen and heard on their own terms. Dr. Bronwen Carroll, a pediatric emergency physician and professor at Boston Medical Center and Boston University, explains, "Having a private moment with a pediatrician provides a second opportunity for kids to discuss sensitive topics with a well-informed adult who is trained to stratify risk and respond appropriately to whatever adolescents share."
She adds, "If kids aren't comfortable speaking to their parents, then speaking to their pediatrician is clearly a better option than not receiving any support or guidance from anyone at all."
Despite these professional reassurances, many parents remain uneasy. So why are doctors so insistent on these confidential conversations, and why do experts consider them vital for adolescent health?
Building Trust and Addressing Sensitive Issues
One-on-one time with healthcare providers is far more than a bonus offering; it is essential for adolescent development. Lance Garrison, Ph.D., Dean of Professional Psychology at The Chicago School, states that such opportunities "send a message that the adolescent's voice matters." These private discussions give teenagers a safe space to ask questions about anxiety, identity, relationships, and other topics they might hesitate to share with parents.
Without this confidential outlet, teens often turn to peers or social media, which Dr. Garrison describes as "unfiltered and unreliable sources" that can mislead or overwhelm young minds. He defines adolescence as "a key period of brain development and identity formation," when teenagers are "seeking greater independence while still relying on adult guidance."
Privacy and autonomy during medical visits help build trust, confidence, and decision-making skills. When adolescents feel respected and heard, they are more likely to establish healthy boundaries and seek help when needed. Dr. Carroll notes, "When parents communicate that they trust their kids and trust their decisions, they instill confidence." Conversely, doubting a teenager's ability to speak privately with a professional can "undermine appropriate adolescent development."
Identifying Hidden Health Concerns
Confidential conversations enable physicians to address problems that might otherwise go unnoticed. Dr. Carroll explains, "While of course pediatricians can offer all teen patients anticipatory guidance and education regarding the risks of a variety of unhealthy behaviors, it is impossible to help kids with specific problems without having open and honest communication."
For instance, a teenager complaining of abdominal or chest pain might also be engaging in vaping or sexual activity—information crucial for accurate diagnosis and care. Private discussions allow doctors to uncover these sensitive details that teens might withhold in front of parents.
Dr. Carroll, who also advocates for sexual abuse prevention, acknowledges parental discomfort but emphasizes that preventing private conversations does not provide additional insight. "It just adds the doctor to the list of people who may be in the dark," she says. When concerning information emerges, pediatricians prioritize helping adolescents involve their parents appropriately.
Legal Rights and Privacy Protections
Building trust is only one aspect; parents should also understand that laws in many jurisdictions grant teenagers certain rights to make their own healthcare decisions. Health care attorneys Andrea Frey and Alicia Macklin, who co-chair reproductive, digital, and behavioral health practices at Hooper Lundy, clarify when and why teens may have these legal rights.
Macklin explains, "Parents or guardians generally have the right to consent to or refuse medical care for their minor children." However, exceptions exist based on a teenager's status—such as being married, emancipated, or in the military—or the type of care needed, including mental health treatment, substance use support, or services for sexually transmitted infections and contraception.
Some treatments have specific age requirements. In California, for example, minors aged 12 or older can consent to outpatient mental health treatment or counseling. By law, conversations with teens who can consent to their own care must remain confidential. Frey notes, "Of course, the minor patient may always choose to involve their parents or other guardians in the care."
Information shared by adolescents is protected by privacy laws like HIPAA and state medical information regulations, and in some cases, psychotherapist-patient privilege applies. Without confidential care, teens might withhold details about risky behaviors or emotional struggles, delaying intervention and potentially leading to unsafe choices.
Empowering Adolescents for Lifelong Health
During private medical conversations, teenagers often open up about topics they might avoid at home, including sexual activity, substance use, body image issues, bullying, or mental health challenges. Dr. Garrison observes, "Many adolescents fear disappointing their parents or being judged." Confidential discussions provide a safe environment for honesty and early support.
Dr. Carroll reflects on the challenges of modern parenting: "Parents have lots to worry about, and the inclination to try to protect our kids from everything is understandable. But it is neither viable, nor healthy, to try to keep kids in bubbles." She adds, "By allowing doctors to do the work of doctoring, and allowing kids to do the work of developing, parents are doing the work of parenting in a way that benefits everyone."
Ultimately, confidential visits do not sideline parents. Dr. Garrison emphasizes, "It's worth emphasizing that confidentiality doesn't mean isolation. It's part of a broader developmental process that includes family, school, and community. When handled thoughtfully, confidential visits empower adolescents while still engaging families as vital partners in their child's health." The goal is not to separate teens from their parents but to equip them with tools to navigate adolescence safely with trusted adults by their side.
