The holiday season is a time for connection, but for many Canadians, family gatherings also come with a predictable dose of awkward and intrusive questions. From unsolicited comments on your body to prying inquiries about your relationship or career, these remarks can turn a festive visit into an emotionally draining experience.
Navigating Weight and Body Comments
One of the most common holiday stressors comes from relatives who feel compelled to comment on physical appearance. A greeting like "Looks like you've put on some weight!" from an aunt you haven't seen in years can instantly sour a reunion. Psychologist Melissa Robinson-Brown emphasizes that it's perfectly acceptable to set boundaries. "Express your own love for your body just as it is," she advises.
Jennifer Rollin, an eating disorder therapist, suggests a simple, deflective response such as, "I'm happy and healthy, thanks for noticing." Alternatively, you can state that you don't track your weight, effectively ending that line of conversation.
Even comments framed as compliments, like "You look skinny!" can be harmful, as they ignore potential struggles with stress, illness, or disordered eating. Allison Hart, a psychological assistant, recommends acknowledging the intent while redirecting: "I know you mean that as a compliment, but I am not interested in discussing my appearance." For new mothers facing comments on their postpartum bodies, she suggests pointing out the incredible feat their body has accomplished, making weight talk seem trivial.
Questions on Drinking, Relationships, and Careers
For those choosing not to drink, the holidays can feel isolating. A remark like "You're not drinking? What a bummer" pressures social norms. Hart advises focusing on the positives of sobriety: "I really love connecting to people through meaningful conversation... I get to be fully present for others." If pressed for "just one drink," being direct about your limits is a powerful response.
Single family members often face the inevitable "When are you going to settle down?" Robinson-Brown suggests sharing what brings you joy in your current life. If you're not comfortable, it's okay to state you're not discussing your love life and will share news if and when it happens.
Questions about employment, such as "You still haven't found a job?" can feel judgmental. Tactics include grabbing an ally to help change the subject or, if feeling bold, deflecting with humour about winning a board game instead.
Managing Painful Questions About Children
Perhaps the most sensitive area involves questions about having kids. Whether by choice or due to fertility challenges, "When are you going to have a baby?" can be deeply painful. Psychologist Samantha Rodman recommends a vague answer followed by a swift topic change: "'We aren't sure! Speaking of kids...' and then redirect to another child in the family."
Fertility advocate Rachel Gurevich notes you can label the question as personal before pivoting. If you're open to discussing your journey, you can, but pretending not to hear and walking away is also a valid strategy.
The overarching advice from therapists is clear: you have the right to enjoy your holiday without enduring insensitive interrogation. Setting firm, polite boundaries allows you to protect your mental well-being and refocus gatherings on genuine connection.
