Understanding FOBO: The 'Fear of a Better Option' That Paralyzes Decisions
While the term FOMO, or "fear of missing out," entered dictionaries in 2013 and became a cultural staple, a related and potentially more damaging phenomenon lurks in the shadows: FOBO. Known as the "fear of a better option," FOBO describes the anxiety that something superior might emerge, making it difficult to commit to any choice, even when perfectly acceptable options are available. This condition, coined alongside FOMO by author and venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis in 2004 during his Harvard Business School days, is increasingly relevant in our modern, choice-saturated world.
What Exactly Is FOBO?
"FOBO is the anxiety that something better will come along, which makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision," McGinnis explained. "This specifically refers to decisions where there are perfectly acceptable options in front of us, yet we struggle to choose just one." He characterizes FOBO as "an affliction of abundance," where our on-demand society overwhelms us with endless possibilities, prompting us to keep all options open indefinitely.
Life coach and entrepreneur Tomas Svitorka elaborated, describing FOBO as "that nagging feeling that makes you hesitate or downright freeze up when faced with a decision, especially if there are several options available, worried that a better – or even perfect – choice might be out there and come along at any second." This manifests in everyday scenarios, from selecting a restaurant meal or vacation spot to more consequential decisions like choosing a life partner.
The core of FOBO lies in extreme risk aversion, leading to overanalysis and procrastination – a state often termed "analysis paralysis." "As a result, you live in a world of maybes, stringing yourself and others along," McGinnis noted. "Rather than assessing your options, choosing one, and moving on with your day, you delay the inevitable."
How FOBO Impacts Mental Health and Relationships
McGinnis emphasized that FOBO is "a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO." Unlike FOMO, which primarily affects the individual internally, FOBO's costs extend to others. People with FOBO often alienate friends, family, business associates, and romantic partners because others lose faith in their ability to make decisions. "When you treat your life like a Tinder feed, swiping with reckless abandon without ever committing to any of the potential options, you send a clear and unambiguous message to everyone else: You are the ultimate holdout," McGinnis stated.
FOBO is rooted in what McGinnis called "an erroneous belief that the longer we look, the more options we will have, and this will somehow lead to a better outcome." In reality, this delay can cause people to lose good options and regret not deciding sooner.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Becky Stuempfig highlighted that FOBO often stems from the overwhelming number of choices in modern life, from podcast selections to toothbrush varieties. "It is a normal and healthy reaction to feel exhausted by what feels like an endless amount of options for almost every decision that needs to be made, often causing decision fatigue," she said. However, it becomes damaging when it prevents forward progress on life issues.
Psychologist Patricia Dixon pointed out that FOBO can contribute to anxiety and depression, as the constant search for better options prevents individuals from enjoying their present circumstances. "This mindset fosters dissatisfaction and can erode self-trust, leading to procrastination and indecisiveness," she said. In relationships, this fear can hinder personal growth and connection.
FOBO can also be contagious, spreading from work to household decisions, and may be exacerbated by pre-existing anxiety disorders, traumatic histories, or learned behaviors from family, as noted by licensed marriage and family therapist Racine Henry. The constant second-guessing and living in limbo cause stress, exhaustion, and anxiety, potentially leading to physical symptoms like loss of appetite and sleep.
Strategies to Combat FOBO
To prevent FOBO from dominating your life, experts recommend shifting your mindset around choices. Dixon advised, "Embrace the idea that your decisions may be the best for the moment, even if alternatives arise later." Rather than viewing other options as inherently better, recognize them as simply different. This perspective encourages decision-making and ownership, with the understanding that you can pivot in the future.
Dixon also cautioned about social media's role in exacerbating FOBO by fostering constant comparisons. "To break this cycle, it’s crucial to cultivate self-trust and listen to your instincts," she said. "Often, the allure of 'the grass being greener' is a facade that distracts us from appreciating the value of our current choices."
For those struggling, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial. Henry suggested involving trusted individuals in decision-making or creating plans for both sides of a choice. Asking questions like "What could I be losing/gaining?" or "Does this current decision have to be permanent?" can provide clarity.
Svitorka recommended assessing the risk and reversibility of choices, noting that most decisions aren't permanent. "You might be surprised how often you can course-correct," he said. Creating predetermined rules based on long-term values, such as opting for healthier or cheaper options, can simplify decisions. He also advised trusting your gut, as our subconscious often picks up on subtle cues.
Practical techniques like flipping a coin and observing your emotional reaction can reveal true preferences. For higher-stakes decisions, Stuempfig suggested consulting an odd number of supportive loved ones to break ties and create momentum. "To counteract FOBO, the key is to simplify," she said, recommending distilling options to two or three and accepting that a small amount of regret is part of making choices.
Stuempfig emphasized that it's unreasonable to expect decisions with no regrets or absolute certainty. "Living with a little uncertainty is just part of the luxury of having lots of options," she said. Adopting a compassionate mantra, such as "I am grateful for so many options and know that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time," can foster confidence in decision-making.
By understanding FOBO and implementing these strategies, individuals can mitigate its effects, make more decisive choices, and improve their mental well-being and relationships.
