A 43-year-old man, recently divorced for the third time, writes to Dear Abby seeking guidance. He has three adult children and a 13-year-old from his previous marriages. His latest divorce was finalized just weeks ago, and his ex-wife has proposed a nine-month trial period to see if they can reconcile.
The man, identifying himself as 'Finding a Path in Tennessee,' confesses that years ago, before his first marriage, he felt called to become a Catholic priest but ignored that calling. A recent homily by a close friend who is a priest reminded him of this missed vocation. 'Have we ignored God's call for us in our lives?' the homily asked, striking a chord with him.
He admits to feeling torn: he knows the right answer—likely to pursue the priesthood—but he still wants to do things his way. 'I want to do what I want, not what God wants me to do,' he writes. 'I know the way He wants me to go, but I still want to do things my way.'
Abby's Response
Abby quotes Shakespeare's 'Hamlet': 'To thine own self be true.' She advises that unless he can commit fully to a religious calling, he should not pursue it. She suggests listening to his conscience and heart, and notes that there are many ways to serve a religious community beyond the priesthood, recommending he discuss this with his priest friend.
Second Letter: Grief Counseling Inquiry
A co-worker, 'Caring not Prying in Ohio,' writes about a misstep with a grieving colleague named Tammy. After Tammy's husband died of cancer, she returned to work and took a day off for grief counseling. Caring asked how the session went, intending to show support, but Tammy reacted coldly, asking, 'Did you really just ask me that?'
Caring apologized and retreated, but wonders if she committed a faux pas. Abby explains that grief reactions vary; some people prefer privacy, and group therapy details are meant to stay confidential. She advises asking a more general 'How are you?' instead of probing specifics.
