Earlier this week, Katie Miller, wife of President Donald Trump's deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller, revived an old joke about her husband on Fox News, offering a rare glimpse into their relationship. She described how her 'sexual matador' husband 'gets [her] going' with morning speeches about defeating the left. This comes after Stephen Miller previously gave dating advice on 'Jesse Watters Primetime' in 2024, where he first earned the cringe 'matador' label.
Miller's Dating Advice
According to The Independent, Miller advised young men: 'If you are a young man — it’s very important in election season — who’s looking to impress the ladies, to be the alpha, to be attractive ... The best thing you can do is wear your Trump support on your sleeve.' He continued, 'Show that you are a real man. Show that you are not a beta. Be a proud and loud Trump supporter and your dating life will be fantastic.'
Debunking the Trump Support Claim
However, a recent American Enterprise Institute survey found that nearly three-quarters of college-educated women and 52% of single women surveyed would be less likely to date a Trump supporter. Another 2024 survey from dating app Coffee Meets Bagel found that 4 out of 5 women would not date someone who supports Trump. Some people on dating apps are even hiding their true politics to avoid being rejected.
The Alpha Male Fantasy
The concept of the 'alpha' male is pervasive in the manosphere, suggesting that men must embody a specific, reductive masculinity that asserts dominance over others. Traits include lack of vulnerability, obsession with financial success, rigid pecking orders, and distrust of women. Dating experts interviewed by HuffPost argue these behaviors are not conducive to healthy partnerships.
Sophie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, stated: 'If you think you always need to be emotionally disconnected and dominant, you’ll never be able to create a happy long-term relationship.' Lorain Moorehead, a licensed psychotherapist, added that the advice 'overly simplifies a complex problem' and 'can often have manipulative or domineering undertones.'
Why the Advice Persists
Experts say the advice persists because it offers simple answers to complex problems. Caroline Millet, a former matchmaker, noted: 'These influencers are grasping for a set of rules to apply in a world they were not raised to understand.' The advice targets vulnerable young men during major life transitions, offering an 'intoxicating blend of easy answers, pseudo-science, pop psychology and misogyny.'
Alternative Advice
Instead of pursuing 'alpha' traits, experts recommend cultivating confidence, emotional intelligence, and authenticity. Moorehead suggests investing in personal interests and hobbies, and approaching dating with excitement rather than control. Millet advises men to ask strong, confident women what they want in a partner, rather than listening to toxic influencers.
