A Call for Meaningful Support Beyond Traditional Gifts
This Sunday, May 10, millions of Canadian mothers will receive flowers, candles, and cards thanking them for everything they do. However, a growing chorus of voices suggests that these traditional tokens of appreciation may fall short of addressing the deeper challenges mothers face daily.
The invisible work of managing a household—booking appointments, signing forms, sensing a child's unspoken struggles—is often carried quietly and expected without acknowledgment. This mental load, as it is sometimes called, is not evenly shared and can take a toll on maternal well-being.
Data underscores the urgency of this issue. Mental health conditions, including suicide and overdose, are now a leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the United States, with most cases considered preventable. In Canada, roughly one in eight mothers experiences clinical depression during or after pregnancy, yet many wait months for care, and only a minority receive adequate treatment.
The Role of Structural Supports
Research highlights several factors that can alleviate maternal stress. Paid parental leave is associated with lower rates of postpartum depression and improved child outcomes. While Canada offers more leave than many countries, financial constraints prevent many families from taking full advantage of it.
Childcare stability is another critical factor. When childcare is unreliable or unaffordable, stress escalates quickly. Conversely, reliable childcare can ease the link between exhaustion and depression.
Partnership, not just help, is essential. Shared responsibility for the mental load reduces maternal stress. When that partnership is absent, the work concentrates on one person, often with no relief in sight.
Long-Term Impact of Maternal Warmth
A mother's warmth during her child's early years predicts the child's sense of safety more than a decade later, shaping physical health, psychological well-being, and mental health in adolescence. However, warmth depends on capacity. A mother who is sleep-deprived, financially strained, and carrying the family largely alone does not lack love—she lacks the conditions that allow that love to flourish.
Rethinking Mother's Day
This Mother's Day, by all means, bring flowers. But also ask different questions: Does she have a doctor who checks in on her mental health? Can she afford to take the time she needs? Does she have childcare she trusts? Has she seen a friend recently? If she has a partner, does that person carry half the invisible work—the appointments, permission forms, and emotional weather of the household?
Most of what mothers carry does not show up in a gift. It shows up in everything else. As a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I am still learning how to carry this well. That does not make flowers enough.
