Family Reunion Dilemma: Brother-in-Law's Return Stirs Pain
Four years ago, after a Christmas gathering, a woman received a message from her brother-in-law complimenting her appearance in a "sexy" sweater. She responded with a simple "thanks." However, the following year, his messages escalated into sexual advances, which she tried to deflect by emphasizing his role as a husband and father. His reply was, "Good answer!"
The harassment continued, culminating in him sending a photo of a naked woman in the shower and requesting a similar image of her. Confused and insulted, she sought advice from another sister and then told him never to contact her again, blocking him. She kept the incident from her sister, fearing blame.
Five months later, his infidelities were exposed: he had been having affairs with multiple women for three years. Her sister separated from him but struggled deeply, wanting him back. After a few years, they reconciled and are now doing well. However, the woman cannot bear to see him again, feeling the family was deeply hurt.
Now, her mother is turning 80 and wants a large party with all family members. The mother has forgiven him for the sake of her daughter, but the rest of the family has not. The woman asks how to tell her sister not to bring her husband without hurting her mother or sister.
Dear Abby advises: "Your mother may only have a milestone birthday like this one once. Hold your nose, attend the party, be polite, avoid your sister's husband as much as possible, and try to make the occasion as memorable for your mother as you can. Once it's over, you may not have to see this brother-in-law again until her funeral."
Another Reader's Struggle: Estranged Daughter
A second letter comes from a mother who has not spoken to her daughter in seven years. After being arrested for drug use, her daughter cut off contact, not wanting her children around a drug addict. The mother has been clean and sober ever since, texting her daughter weekly, but receives no response. She has never met her four grandchildren and feels sad and lonely.
She asks if she should give up hope. Dear Abby responds: "Your daughter may not believe in rehabilitation, or your bridges may have already been burned seven years ago. Because you have received no response in seven years, recognize that it's time to stop pushing her as hard as you have been. Give her the space she wants and cultivate relationships that will reward you in return."
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
