Dear Abby: Woman's Wallet Empties as Boyfriend's Problems Pile Up
An advice-seeker feels she is trapped into supporting a man. The letter, published on April 24, 2026, comes from a 59-year-old divorced woman living with her 54-year-old boyfriend for seven months.
The woman writes that she pays for the house payments, internet, utilities, and all groceries, despite the boyfriend owning the home. They have four cats and five dogs together. She feels she is supporting him, contrary to their agreement to share bills.
The boyfriend quit his manufacturing job to pursue a commercial driver's license but only lasted a month. He could not find better-paying work due to his driving record. After finally getting a job, he failed a drug test for marijuana. He claims he uses marijuana for PTSD from childhood. His employer offered to rehire him after treatment, but he relapsed immediately. He now cannot return to work until he is clean, and he faces a $1,000 monthly truck payment he cannot afford.
The woman fears he will lose his truck and expect to use her car. She feels trapped and asks what to do.
Abby's Response
Abby advises the woman to recognize she cannot fix him. She notes the woman is not legally responsible for the mortgage. Abby suggests considering the money spent as tuition for a life lesson, calling the boyfriend a loser who will never contribute. She urges the woman to leave him.
In a second letter, a woman from Washington, D.C., writes about her boyfriend of five years who refuses to give her a key to his place. She feels he is not committed and wants to break up. He begs for more time, blaming his previous marriage for trust issues. He has been caught with other women twice.
Abby responds that five years is too long without progress. She advises the woman to end the relationship, noting the boyfriend should have sought therapy for his trust issues. Abby concludes, "If you're fishing for a husband, throw this one back."
