DEAR ABBY: My partner, “Greg,” and I have been together for a year. I am increasingly sensing that my professional achievements are making him feel insecure. I have worked hard to build a stable, high-paying career, and I take pride in knowing I can financially support any future children. My success has recently led to several significant promotions, which come with more demanding schedules and occasionally draining technical tasks.
During my stressful periods at work, I have noticed a pattern: Greg suddenly withdraws and starts boasting about his own income and work demands. He visits less often, and when he is around, he seems uninterested in my activities and refuses to help with household chores, claiming his work is so demanding and he is too tired. However, Greg’s job is actually much less demanding than mine, and I feel he is exaggerating to boost his ego. I have tried to encourage his confidence, but that only seems to make him less focused on supporting me. I do not believe it is a coincidence that every time my workload becomes more stressful and I need his help, he disappears.
Greg has also been promising to move in with me for months, but five months have passed with no action. I have brought up these issues and expressed that I feel lonely and unsupported. His response is that I “have the wrong idea” and he is “not a sexist,” but I cannot ignore the pattern. I want a family and to settle down, and I need a partner I can rely on during tough times. Should I keep trying to work things out with Greg, or will his ego be a permanent problem? Should I cut my losses? — CAREER-CONFLICTED IN COLORADO
DEAR CAREER-CONFLICTED: Face the reality that what you have with Greg now is likely what you will get if the relationship progresses. He may be a nice but insecure man, yet you are dealing with multiple issues. You are successful; he is less so. If both of you are willing to try couples counseling, it might be possible to build the closer relationship you desire. However, if that is not an option, it would be best to part as friends.
DEAR ABBY: We have dear friends with whom we socialize often. However, every time we invite them to do something, they invite other people we know to join in. Our latest invitation is for them to visit our lake house for several days, and they want to bring their adult son and his girlfriend. We like their son, but we do not know the girlfriend. We do not want to hurt feelings or damage the friendship, but we are tired of our invitations being extended to others. How should we respond to stop this? — GRACIOUS SOUTHERNERS
DEAR GRACIOUS: What this couple is doing is rude. Respond by telling them that while you love them and their son, you do not know the girlfriend and are not comfortable hosting a stranger for an entire weekend. Give them time to absorb your message. Next time they try to include extra guests, explain that the invitation is for them only.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
