The Rising Trend of 'Quiet-Quitting' Romantic Relationships
More women are deciding that the emotional burden of "mankeeping" is unsustainable, leading them to withdraw from romantic partnerships with men entirely. This shift reflects a broader reevaluation of relationship dynamics among younger generations.
When Emotional Support Becomes Unpaid Labor
Ava, 27, represents this emerging perspective. She described reaching a breaking point with her partner Max after months of dating. "I realized I had no idea what he felt about our future," she explained. Instead of pressing for clarity, she simply stopped asking. "There was a time I would've tried harder, but we have enough to think about," she noted while still dressed in her work blazer.
Sara, 21, recalled a similar experience with a boyfriend who expected emotional coaching after cheating. "He wasn't remorseful, he just didn't want to sit with his shame," she said. "I had to help him find words for his feelings, not his actions. And then I made him feel OK about it."
These stories illustrate what researchers at Stanford University term "mankeeping"—the invisible emotional work women perform in relationships, often supporting men through feelings of failure and isolation that men feel unable to share with male friends.
The Data Behind the Disconnect
Statistics reveal a significant gender gap in dating attitudes. Women are now 23% less likely to want to date than men, not from lack of interest but from exhaustion. Fifty-six percent of women report difficulty finding partners who meet their expectations, compared to 35% of men.
Among single individuals, 62% of women say they're not looking to date at all, versus 37% of men. Women are twice as likely as men to cite physical and emotional risk as reasons why dating has become more challenging.
The Emotional Intelligence GapChristopher Pepper, co-author of "Talk To Your Boys," observes that Gen Z represents the first generation relying primarily on phones for communication. "There's no responsibility for what's on the receiving end," he noted, describing how online spaces often devolve into hostility that wouldn't be acceptable in person.
This communication challenge contributes to what many describe as a masculinity crisis. Two-thirds of younger men report that "no one really knows them," while 60% engage with masculinity influencers who prioritize ambition, wealth and popularity over trust and vulnerability.
The Costs of Caring Become Too High
Young women are increasingly aware of what researchers call the "costs of caring"—the suppression of their own needs while managing partners' emotional states. This labor has become an invisible workplace obstacle as instant communication erodes boundaries between professional and emotional responsibilities.
The COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated these dynamics, with many women surprised by how quickly they "played house" during lockdowns, over-focusing on partners' needs at their own expense.
Some women report going beyond emotional support to practical assistance—writing partners' college essays, preparing scholarship presentations, or coaching them on job interviews. In extreme cases, partners have actively diminished women's career success or pressured them for professional referrals.
Broader Implications for Gender Equity
Broader beliefs about gender equality shape relationship expectations. Women feel men aren't doing enough to support gender equity, while 60% of men believe they're expected to do too much. This disconnect is particularly stark in individualist countries like the U.K. and U.S., where lone-wolf masculinity is often glamorized.
The consequences extend beyond individual relationships. Among teenage girls, 80% report that sexual assault is "normal and common" in their friendship groups before finishing high school. Approximately half of Gen Z women report feeling disrespected by men, compared to 18% of men.
Interrupting the Spiral
"If we want to interrupt this spiral, we must stop asking women to keep absorbing the damage," researchers emphasize. The solution requires developing healthier models of masculinity that address boys' needs without relying on women's emotional labor.
Men often lack emotional skills precisely because they've rarely been expected or permitted to develop them. Traditional masculine norms like pride keep men from extending vulnerability beyond romantic relationships, with many fearing that admitting overwhelm will diminish their self-worth.
Nearly every man interviewed reported that male friendships left them feeling worse about themselves, depriving them of support in tough times and limiting emotional nuance. As one male interviewee noted, friends were often quick to "hate" or "blame" women after breakups.
A Path Forward
Cultivating meaningful, vulnerable relationships between men represents one pathway through the crisis. Emotional fluency requires practice, and because expectations of manhood haven't evolved as quickly as those for women, that practice must be met with patience.
Redefining what it means for men to be "providers" and "protectors" is essential. Caring for others should become central to masculinity, moving beyond the misconception that withholding emotions constitutes care.
With 29% more men than women in Gen Z currently single, the gender skills gap threatens to widen further. As more women step back from relationships, many men may never get opportunities to develop emotional competencies through partnership.
Those men who embrace this "homework"—sharing burdens with friends, practicing self-awareness, and developing emotional fluency—become not just more attractive partners but better partners overall. For relationships to thrive, masculinity must evolve to embrace vulnerability for everyone's benefit.
