A painful family rift over a promised inheritance has left a mother questioning her own estate planning decisions after her adult son severed ties, blaming her for a financial disappointment. The emotional conflict, detailed in a recent Dear Abby advice column published on January 10, 2026, highlights the lasting damage that unresolved expectations and misdirected anger can inflict on family bonds.
The Core of the Conflict: A Grandmother's Unfulfilled Promise
The writer, who identifies as "Conflicted in Idaho," explains that her mother passed away six years ago. The grandmother, described as manipulative, had alienated most of the family but maintained a relationship with the writer's adult son. She had promised him a sizable sum of money upon her death. However, when the time came, the actual bequest was less than anticipated.
Acting as the fiduciary of her parents' estate, the writer was legally bound to follow the trust directives exactly as written. "I followed their trust directives as written, with no exceptions," she states. Her son received a cheque, but not the large amount he expected. His reaction was immediate and severe: he accused his mother of taking his money and then declared she would never see her grandsons again unless he received what was promised.
Estrangement and the Weight of Fiduciary Duty
Despite the mother's attempts to explain the concept of a trustee's fiduciary duty—a legal obligation to act solely in the interest of the beneficiaries according to the trust's terms—her son refused to listen. He has since ghosted the entire family, including his siblings. The writer notes that, thankfully, they maintain access to their grandsons through the generosity of their former daughter-in-law.
Having come to terms with her son's decision to remove himself, the writer now faces a moral dilemma regarding her own estate. She and her husband have decided to exclude their son from their trust due to his behavior and what she characterizes as an attempt at blackmail. This decision, however, fills her with guilt. "Am I justified in excluding him? I want to forgive and forget, but I can't get past his actions," she writes to Abby.
Expert Advice: Protect the Future, Forgive in Heart
In her response, Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips) acknowledges the sadness of the situation, noting the son misdirected his anger from his grandmother onto his mother. Her counsel is clear: "Forgive him in your heart, but do not reward him by changing your estate plans."
She provides a strategic suggestion to channel the inheritance toward the next generation, advising the writer to discuss with a lawyer the possibility of leaving her son's share in trust for her grandsons instead. This approach allows the grandparents to provide for their grandchildren's future without capitulating to what they perceive as emotional blackmail.
The column also features a second letter from "Breaking Point in the West," a woman trapped in a verbally and economically abusive marriage to an alcoholic. Abby directs her to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org or 800-799-7233), emphasizing that the toxic environment is unhealthy for her and her three children and that she cannot save her husband from his addiction.
This advice column underscores the complex intersection of family dynamics, legal responsibility, and emotional legacy, offering a stark reminder of how financial promises can unravel relationships long after a loved one is gone.
