Dear Abby: Mother Exhausted by Son's Untrained Puppy and Wedding Planning Woes
In a heartfelt letter to the popular advice column Dear Abby, a mother from Washington state shares her ongoing struggle with her son's energetic and untrained puppy. For the past four years, she has been hosting her son "Dennis," his six-year-old son, and his brother's eight-year-old daughter every other weekend. Dennis recently purchased a puppy named "Champ" to accompany his new home, bringing the dog along on these visits.
The puppy, while friendly, exhibits extremely active behavior, including running wild, barking incessantly, digging holes, and lacking any formal training. The grandchildren, who are cousins and very close, enjoy playing indoors and outdoors, but the mother admits she is worn out from managing the chaotic situation.
Family Tensions Rise Over Pet Responsibilities
This arrangement has led to significant problems between Dennis and his mother. She feels he is not as attentive to managing Champ as he believes, and she often becomes the de facto dog watcher when Dennis has plans, which occurs four or five times a year for durations ranging from three days to a week. The mother has repeatedly advised her son to either get the dog trained or hire a professional sitter, but he has not taken action.
Recently, Dennis planned a car trip with his brother, sister-in-law, niece, and their dog. When his brother refused to take two dogs, Dennis asked his mother to watch Champ, a request she declined. This decision caused conflict and stress, but she stood firm. Now, Dennis is in town helping his brother clear out a property for sale and has again asked her to watch the dog for the weekend, putting her back in the same difficult position.
"Why is he asking me and putting me right back in the same position? Can you give me some insight? I will pass on the reply and follow your lead," writes the mother, signing off as "DOGGED IN WASHINGTON."
Abby's Firm Advice on Pet Ownership
In her response, Abby emphasizes that Dennis is an entitled son who is conveniently ignoring the fact that his undisciplined animal is too much for his mother to handle. She points out that he dislikes her message and takes for granted that she won't stick to her guns. For the sake of the mother's safety and well-being, Abby advises against allowing him to get away with this behavior.
Abby labels Dennis as an irresponsible pet owner who is too lazy to take his dog for obedience training. She recommends that if he needs a pet sitter, he should hire one or board Champ at a kennel while he is away, rather than burdening his mother with the responsibility.
Additional Wedding Etiquette Query from the South
In another letter, a mother from the southern United States seeks advice on wedding planning conflicts. Her son is getting married next year to a bride who lives about four hours away. The bride insists on having the rehearsal on Thursday and the rehearsal dinner on Friday, followed by a "welcome party" hosted by her friends.
Every venue the mother suggests for the dinner has been tabled, pending coordination with this welcome party. Additionally, the bride wants to add a large number of extra people to the rehearsal dinner guest list. The mother questions whether she and her husband are out of touch for desiring an intimate rehearsal dinner that includes only immediate family and those participating in the wedding.
Abby's Guidance on Traditional Etiquette
Abby references Emily Post's guidelines, noting that traditionally, the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner. This event typically includes the wedding party, young wedding party participants' parents, the officiant and their spouse, and the couple's close relatives. According to these standards, the mother is not obligated to entertain out-of-town guests beyond this group.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Readers can contact the column for advice on personal and family matters, offering insights into navigating complex interpersonal dynamics with grace and firmness.
