A marriage is teetering on the edge of collapse after years of full-time grandchild care left a couple living like strangers, according to a recent letter to the popular advice column, Dear Abby.
The Toll of Constant Childcare
In a heartfelt plea for help, a man from Alabama wrote to columnist Jeanne Phillips, detailing how his wife's commitment to watching their two grandchildren has consumed their lives and destroyed their intimacy. The grandmother provides care for an astonishing 11 to 12 hours per day, five or sometimes six days every week. This amounts to a staggering 60 to 70 hours of childcare, a schedule that would exhaust anyone.
By the time the children are picked up each evening, the wife is described as "irritated, agitated, frustrated and wants to be left alone." She has no energy for conversation or companionship with her husband, retreating instead to her recliner to fall asleep. The couple has not been intimate for eight years, a direct result, the husband believes, of this relentless routine.
A Plea for Help Before Separation
The husband, who identifies himself as "Had It in Alabama," revealed that the situation has become so dire that separation is now being considered. He expressed a deep sense of loss, stating he does not want to spend his remaining years with a partner he cannot hold or kiss. Despite acknowledging that love, loyalty, and trust still exist between them, the complete lack of physical and emotional connection has become unbearable.
He has attempted to discuss the issue with his wife on multiple occasions. Her response has been that she has simply lost her desire. However, her husband is convinced the root cause is the relentless stress and exhaustion of her daily childcare marathon. "She can’t see that keeping the grandkids that much has interfered with our relationship," he lamented.
Dear Abby's Medical and Practical Advice
In her response, published on December 17, 2025, Abby offered a dual path forward. First, she suggested a potential medical component to the wife's extreme fatigue and lost libido. Abby strongly recommended the wife consult a doctor to have her hormone levels, including estrogen, and thyroid function checked, noting that medical solutions might be available.
Secondly, Abby questioned the sheer volume of childcare being undertaken. "I can’t help wondering how old your grandchildren are and why she is expected to take care of them for 11 to 12 hours a day. It may simply be too much for her," the columnist wrote. She urged the husband to frame this as a fight to save their marriage, hoping his wife would see the wisdom in seeking help "before she or your relationship collapses under the weight of the responsibility she has taken on."
The poignant letter highlights a growing but often silent issue faced by many grandparents who take on primary childcare roles, where the immense pressure can inadvertently strain the very family foundations they are trying to support.
