In the digital age, the impulse to share intimate details of a personal breakup online has become a common phenomenon. While often seen as an annoyance, new insights from a relationship expert suggest this oversharing might serve a deeper psychological purpose for those navigating heartbreak.
The Psychology Behind Post-Breakup Oversharing
According to data from psychotherapist Charisse Cooke, a relationship expert at the dating app Flirtini, Google searches for the phrase “is oversharing bad” have surged by 614% this year. This trend is mirrored on social media platforms, where TikTok hosts more than 125,000 posts dedicated to unpacking breakups.
Cooke explains that when people overshare their emotional pain, whether online or with friends, they are attempting to regulate their nervous system and make sense of a traumatic event. “Expressive writing and public posting has been shown to lower heart rate and blood pressure,” she revealed, noting it can be a form of self-soothing, especially for those who struggle to process emotions internally.
When Sharing Helps and When It Hinders
The act of oversharing engages narrative processing, which activates the prefrontal cortex to help integrate emotion and memory. Since heartbreak can trigger the body's stress response and increase cortisol levels, articulating the experience can help regulate this physiological reaction.
Furthermore, humans regulate emotions through connection. “Digital empathy and parasocial relationships can mimic that effect,” Cooke added, suggesting that online support can provide a form of validation.
However, the practice can backfire. “It becomes unhelpful when it stops serving the same functions that make it healing in the first place,” Cooke warned. If an individual tailors their story to elicit a specific reaction or shares impulsively without reflection, it can increase stress and exaggerate the sense of tragedy. Relying on external validation for relief provides only a temporary fix and does not build long-term internal resilience to emotional problems.
Reclaiming Power and Eradicating Shame
A significant benefit of oversharing is its power to dismantle shame. “Shame loses power when it’s brought into the open,” Cooke detailed. Oversharing can be an unconscious test to see if one can still be accepted for who they are after a relationship ends.
Breakups often leave people feeling powerless, and publicly telling their story helps restore a sense of agency. “Sharing allows individuals to author their own narrative,” Cooke said. “That sense of control is so important for recovery, more than you imagine.”
Ultimately, while the digital world offers a new outlet for heartbreak, the key is mindful sharing that serves genuine healing rather than seeking fleeting external approval.
