A man approaching his 40th wedding anniversary has written to advice columnist Dear Abby, revealing a painful secret he has kept for decades: his wife has been a serial cheater throughout their marriage. The letter, published in February 2026, details his struggle with depression, loyalty, and now a desire for intimacy as they enter retirement.
The Hidden Pain of Four Decades
The husband, who signs his letter "Forty Years a Fool," explains that while friends and family celebrate the upcoming milestone anniversary, he hides his indifference. He has concealed his wife's infidelity from everyone, including their children, because she has been a wonderful mother. The children were a primary reason he remained married, not wanting to tarnish their love and appreciation for her.
"Aside from her betrayal, she has been a good wife and companion, and I still love her," he writes, describing how he coped with depression during her affairs by immersing himself in work and crying when alone.
Retirement Brings Reality to the Surface
Now that their children are grown and both have retired, the husband finds himself without the "crutch of work" to help him through. Their marriage has been sexless since his wife went through menopause fifteen years ago, yet he has remained loyal throughout.
"I still desire intimacy," he confesses, noting that he has female friends who have shown interest in more intimate relationships in the past. He asks Abby: "Would it be wrong to rekindle and move forward with an old friend? I have no intention of leaving my wife, but I am so in need of something more."
Abby's Direct Advice
Dear Abby responds with pointed questions and practical suggestions. She first asks if he has actually talked to his wife about his needs, noting that many postmenopausal women whose libidos have declined still enjoy sex.
"This is a subject she should have discussed with her gynecologist 15 years ago because this is not an insurmountable problem," Abby writes.
If his wife refuses to address the intimacy issue, Abby suggests he would be "within your rights to tell her you want the same dispensation you have given her for 40 years of infidelity, because you still need and desire intimacy." She concludes that his wife's response "will tell you everything you need to know."
Additional Advice on Dessert Cravings
The column also includes a second letter from someone struggling with dessert cravings on designated "dessert-free" days. Abby shares a psychologist friend's technique of carrying half a ginger snap cookie to satisfy sweet cravings without sabotaging diets, suggesting fresh fruit as an alternative if the cookie method doesn't work.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, continuing the advice column founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column addresses relationship complexities with practical wisdom, reflecting common struggles in long-term marriages and personal discipline.
