A long-term gay couple has written to the popular advice column Dear Abby, detailing a painful family rift after their son-in-law refused to allow them to stay overnight during visits, citing his young daughters as the reason.
The Heart of the Conflict
In the letter published on January 5, 2026, the couple, who have been together since 2007 and live in Arizona, explained they regularly travel to the Midwest to visit family. The issue centers on their son-in-law, who will not permit them to sleep in his home. His stated reason is that he does not want to explain to his two daughters, aged 6 and 8, why the two men share a bed.
The couple, who feel deeply unwelcome, told their daughter they would skip this year's visit. She offered alternative solutions, including putting them up in a hotel or visiting them in Arizona with the granddaughters. The couple declined both offers, believing the son-in-law's reasoning is a cover for his own homophobic feelings.
Abby's Advice: Don't Punish the Daughter
Columnist Jeanne Phillips, who writes as Abigail Van Buren, responded with clear guidance. She advised the couple, signed "Unwelcome in the West," against punishing their daughter and young grandchildren for the father's discomfort.
"I see nothing positive to be gained by punishing your daughter and your 6- and 8-year-old grandchildren, who have offered viable alternatives, because their father is uncomfortable with your sexual orientation," Abby wrote.
She encouraged them to accept their daughter's offer to visit, fostering a strong relationship with her and the children. Abby suggested that this approach could ultimately marginalize the "narrow-minded" son-in-law within his own family dynamic.
Additional Letters in the Column
The same column featured other reader dilemmas. One letter from "Finally Slim in Florida" involved a 70-year-old man who, after losing weight, struggled with how to ask a new romantic interest to lose 30 to 50 pounds. Abby warned against direct criticism, advising him to instead model a healthy lifestyle.
Another from "Uncomfortable in the West" sought advice on how to tactfully stop a new member of a wives' dinner group from initiating public prayer and hand-holding at restaurants. Abby recommended a private conversation, explaining that not everyone is comfortable with public displays of religiosity.
The original Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is now written by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips. The column remains a staple for those seeking advice on complex personal and family matters.
