Dear Abby Offers Guidance on Modern Relationship Challenges
In her latest column, advice columnist Jeanne Phillips, writing as Dear Abby, tackles several contemporary relationship dilemmas submitted by readers across North America. The questions range from concerns about social media behavior to family wedding conflicts and marital communication issues, reflecting common struggles in today's digital age.
Social Media Boundaries in Marriage
A reader from Alabama expressed distress after discovering her husband's Instagram activity. "I saw my husband's Instagram account, and he's following only women who show their bodies provocatively," wrote the concerned wife. She questioned whether this behavior constitutes emotional cheating or mere lust, and wondered if it provides grounds for divorce in their state.
Abby's response offered perspective on this modern dilemma. "What you have described is lust," she clarified, distinguishing it from emotional cheating which involves forming actual relationships with others. The columnist noted that while Alabama recognizes various grounds for divorce, "looking 'with lust' at scantily clad women on Instagram is not one of them."
Drawing a historical parallel, Abby suggested this behavior represents "an updated version of the old Playboy calendars you might have seen hanging in garages." She acknowledged that many men engage in such viewing without it threatening their marriages, though she recognized the wife's hurt feelings as valid.
Family Wedding Planning Conflict
Another reader from Ohio, a hairstylist with 37 years of experience, shared a painful family situation. After agreeing four months earlier to style her niece's wedding hair, she discovered another niece without professional experience had offered to take over the task as part of launching a wedding planning business.
"This hurts my feelings so bad," wrote the professional stylist, seeking understanding about why she shouldn't be upset about being displaced by an amateur.
Abby provided practical advice, suggesting the stylist determine whether the bride had actually accepted the other niece's offer. If so, she recommended preparing for potential disaster. "Dry your tears and wait to see the result when an amateur pushes a professional out of the way on the most important day in a young bride's life," Abby wrote, advising the professional to keep her gear handy for potential emergency intervention.
Marital Communication Breakdown
A third correspondent described reaching a breaking point in his marriage due to constant questioning from his wife. "Every time I tell my wife something, she questions it, doubts it or disagrees," he explained, offering the hyperbolic example that even if he walked in soaking wet claiming it was raining, she would still check her weather app.
The reader revealed that previous counseling had focused primarily on his communication problems rather than addressing his wife's behavior, which he felt exacerbated the situation. "I have reached my breaking point," he confessed, expressing concern that he might eventually snap from accumulated frustration.
Abby urged immediate action rather than continued suppression of emotions. "'One day' you will tell her? How about getting it off your chest right now?" she challenged, recommending the couple seek counseling from a different therapist. She emphasized that swallowing anger had allowed the problem to fester and suggested individual counseling if his wife refused joint sessions.
The Dear Abby Legacy
The column continues the tradition established by Pauline Phillips and carried forward by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, who writes under the pseudonym Abigail Van Buren. For decades, Dear Abby has provided straightforward advice on personal and relationship matters, adapting to changing social norms while maintaining its practical, no-nonsense approach to problem-solving.
Readers can submit questions through DearAbby.com or by mail to P.O. Box 69440 in Los Angeles, California. The column addresses a wide range of personal dilemmas with empathy and practical wisdom, helping navigate the complexities of modern relationships and family dynamics.
