Dear Abby: Rekindled Friendship Uncovers Disturbing Romance Scam
A California man who reconnected with his high school sweetheart at their 40th reunion has found himself in a troubling situation, watching from afar as she appears to fall victim to a sophisticated romance scam. The man, who identifies himself as "Sweetheart in California," reached out to advice columnist Dear Abby for guidance after his warnings were met with hostility.
Facebook Reconnection Takes Unexpected Turn
Six years after their high school reunion prompted questions about his former sweetheart, the man located her on Facebook and discovered she had never married. Despite being married himself, they developed a long-distance friendship spanning 3,000 miles, sharing memories and providing mutual support.
"For a few years, it was a nice friendship," he wrote to Abby. "We shared old stories, and I helped her out with financial stuff and gave her some emotional support."
The situation changed dramatically when she revealed she had entered a long-distance relationship with someone claiming to be an offshore oil rig worker. Recognizing classic scam indicators, the man immediately grew concerned.
Romance Scam Red Flags Ignored
When he questioned her about the relationship details, every aspect pointed toward a romance scam operation. Despite his attempts to warn her about the danger, she became defensive and insisted the relationship was genuine.
"She insists he's real, it's true love and they are getting married," he explained, noting the couple had never met in person. After receiving an angry email dismissing his concerns, communication between the former classmates ceased entirely.
The man remains worried about her safety, telling Abby: "I told her I care for her safety and that the man she's corresponding with is NOT real — it's a romance scam."
Abby's Expert Analysis of Common Scam Tactics
Dear Abby confirmed the man's suspicions, explaining that such romance scams have become increasingly common. The columnist outlined the typical pattern used by scammers to manipulate their targets emotionally and financially.
"The scammer claims to be on an oil rig or in a war zone (but rotating home soon) or is otherwise unreachable in person," Abby wrote. "He may also have a motherless child he is not parenting on a daily basis because his wife is 'dead' and the kid is in 'boarding school.'"
Abby emphasized how these convenient narratives remove potential obstacles that might deter targets from pursuing the relationship. The scam typically escalates with an invented emergency requiring immediate financial assistance.
The Inevitable Financial Request and Disappearance
According to Abby's experience with similar cases, the scam follows a predictable trajectory: "Predictably, an 'emergency' arises, and the scammer asks the target to fork over hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of dollars 'for a short time only.'"
Once the money is transferred, the scammer vanishes completely, leaving the victim both financially depleted and emotionally devastated. The emotional manipulation makes these scams particularly damaging, as victims often feel genuine affection for their fictional partners.
Practical Advice for Concerned Friends
Abby advised the California man to prepare for potential contact once the scam concludes. "My advice to you is not to be surprised to hear from her once the con has come to its conclusion," she wrote, suggesting he maintain compassion while recognizing the limitations of his influence.
The situation highlights the growing challenge of online romance scams, which have become increasingly sophisticated in exploiting loneliness and the human desire for connection. As more relationships begin through digital platforms, experts warn that awareness and education remain crucial defenses against such financial and emotional predators.
Additional Reader Question: Appropriate Attire for Grandparent Visits
In a separate letter, a wife expressed concern about her husband's casual attire during their granddaughter's visits. The couple in their sixties has different standards for at-home clothing, with the husband preferring to wear only underwear around the house.
While she had accepted this behavior for years, the wife questioned its appropriateness now that their 2½-year-old granddaughter visits regularly. She noted that during the child's previous visit at age one, her husband had worn shorts at her request but no shirt.
Abby offered clear guidance: "Since your husband values my opinion, please tell him I said that unless it's 95 degrees when your granddaughter visits, the appropriate thing to do would be to wear shorts AND A SHIRT during your grandchild's visit."
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and continues the legacy established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column addresses relationship dilemmas, family dynamics, and social etiquette questions from readers across North America.
