Dear Abby Addresses Husband's Concerns Over Wife's Secretive Visits to Ex-Husband
A concerned husband from Connecticut has written to the popular advice column Dear Abby, expressing distress over his wife's behavior in their seven-year marriage. The letter reveals a troubling dynamic where the wife secretly visits her ex-husband on multiple occasions, sometimes with his current spouse present, while strictly forbidding her husband from speaking to or visiting any women from his past unless she is there to supervise.
Background of the Relationship and Mental Health Factors
The husband notes that his wife suffers from major depression and is on medication, but she refuses to see a counsellor for additional support. Adding to his concerns, family members have informed him that she was unfaithful to previous spouses before their marriage. Despite these red flags, the husband emphasizes his own faithfulness and describes the person his wife visits as a long-time friend.
The core question posed to Abby is whether he should simply look the other way or if he is justified in feeling upset about the situation. This dilemma highlights common relationship challenges involving trust, boundaries, and emotional well-being.
Abby's Response: Addressing Double Standards and Seeking Help
In her characteristically direct response, Abby affirms that the husband is entitled to his feelings of upset. She identifies a clear double standard in the marriage, where the wife appears to live by different rules than those she imposes on her partner.
"The woman to whom you are married appears to live by a double standard," Abby writes. "If you want to spend your life under her thumb and looking the other way while she may or may not cheat on you, I can't stop you."
Rather than suggesting the wife needs counselling, Abby turns the focus to the husband himself. She notes that if the marriage were truly happy, he wouldn't have felt compelled to write for advice. Abby recommends that the husband seek counselling for himself to address his feelings and evaluate the relationship dynamics that are causing him distress.
Additional Advice Column Topics: Social Etiquette and Personal Habits
The same Dear Abby column includes two other letters addressing different aspects of social interaction and personal habits.
Birthday Dinner Bill Controversy
A reader from San Francisco writes about being surprised when, after attending a friend's birthday dinner at a popular restaurant, the bill was presented to the guests rather than the birthday host. The reader had brought gifts including a nice bottle of wine and a small book, only to discover that all attendees were expected to split the $99 per person cost.
Abby clarifies that unless explicitly stated when the invitation is issued, the social norm remains that hosts should cover celebration costs. She advises the reader to ask about payment expectations before accepting future invitations to avoid similar surprises.
Managing Loud Sneezes in Public
Another reader from New York seeks advice about controlling loud, violent sneezes when in public or at work. The reader notes that attempting to stifle sneezes causes physical discomfort to back and stomach muscles.
Abby suggests that suppressing sneezes may not be healthy and recommends keeping a handkerchief ready to help muffle the sound as a practical solution for public situations.
The Dear Abby column, founded by Pauline Phillips and currently written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips (Abigail Van Buren), continues to address a wide range of personal and social concerns through its straightforward advice approach.
