A retired couple from Indiana has reached out to the renowned advice columnist Dear Abby, expressing deep hurt and frustration over what they describe as a pervasive "sense of entitlement" and lack of basic manners within their large, blended family.
The Heart of the Matter: Unacknowledged Generosity
The letter, signed "Unappreciated in Indiana," details a familiar yet painful scenario for many. The husband and wife, both retired and content on a fixed income, have built a substantial family between them, including six children, fifteen grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. Despite their modest means, they take joy in giving presents for birthdays, graduations, weddings, and showers.
However, their generosity is often met with silence. "We never receive a 'thank you' for anything we do for some of them," they write, noting that this extends even to acknowledgements for funeral donations. The couple is baffled, stating that most family members are "old enough to have better manners than that."
A Failed Attempt and a Direct Question
Feeling taken for granted, the couple tried to stop sending gifts, only to be "called out on it" by the very relatives who never showed appreciation. This left them in a difficult bind. "We don't want to give because 'we have to.' We want to give because we WANT to," they explain. "And while we may want to give, we don't want to feel underappreciated either."
Their plea to Abby is simple: they are seeking a way to address the hurt without causing a major family rift, wondering how to encourage basic gratitude.
Abby's No-Nonsense Advice
In her response published on December 16, 2025, Abby (Jeanne Phillips) offers straightforward, firm counsel. She advises the couple to speak plainly to the "worst offenders."
"Tell them in plain English that when a gift goes unacknowledged, it makes the giver feel the gesture is unappreciated, and you don't like feeling that way," Abby writes. She recommends making a clear boundary: "Make it clear that if they cannot summon up the energy to practise basic good manners, you will find another way to spend your money."
While acknowledging she cannot force the relatives to change, Abby believes this direct approach may serve as a necessary wake-up call. The underlying message is that preserving one's own feelings and setting expectations for respectful treatment is a reasonable and healthy step.
The column also features a second letter from "Perplexed in Portland, Ore.," whose husband received a highly inappropriate social media proposition from an old high school girlfriend. The twist? The woman is a practicing marriage counsellor. Abby suggests a carefully worded response expressing disappointment in the woman's professional hypocrisy.
This edition of Dear Abby, founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, highlights timeless conflicts around family dynamics, entitlement, and the fundamental human need for acknowledgment.
