The holiday season brings joy, connection, and the meaningful tradition of gift-giving. However, etiquette professionals emphasize that how we receive presents carries as much importance as selecting them. According to August Abbott, an etiquette expert with the Q&A platform JustAnswer, the core purpose of this season is to foster peace, happiness, and the warmth of love and care from others in our lives.
When someone gives us a gift they believe will make us happy, they are backing their words of love with action, Abbott told HuffPost. Despite this beautiful intention, many recipients, often unknowingly, respond in ways that diminish the generosity behind the gesture. HuffPost consulted Abbott and other etiquette specialists to identify common rude behaviours displayed when receiving gifts.
Common Gift-Receiving Mistakes and Gracious Alternatives
Experts highlight several key areas where recipients often falter. The fundamental principle is always to acknowledge the giver's kindness and effort.
Failing to Express Gratitude
Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, stresses that receiving a gift is about acknowledging the giver's kindness. The recipient should focus on the fact that someone thought highly enough of them to mark the occasion. At the very least, a sincere "thank you" is mandatory. Smith and other experts also advocate for the enduring politeness of a formal thank-you note or email after the event. Abbott notes that this simple effort to buy notes, write a message, and mail it is considered "classy" and aligns with the oldest protocols of gift receiving.
Focusing on Cost and Downplaying the Gesture
Another significant faux pas is bringing up the gift's price. Etiquette expert Vernon-Thompson warns that asking about the cost is far too personal and can create discomfort for the giver. This information has no place in the gift-giving conversation. Similarly, downplaying the gesture with phrases like "Oh, you shouldn't have!" or "Why are you giving me a gift?" detracts from the goal of expressing gratitude. These responses can unintentionally minimize the giver's thoughtful action.
Navigating Unwanted Gifts with Tact
Even when a gift is not to your taste, the experts are unanimous: your reaction must prioritize the giver's feelings.
Avoiding Negative Comments
Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and podcast co-host, insists that showing gratitude for the gesture is essential, even if you dislike the gift itself. A negative response can sour the exchange and cause hurt. Abbott advises biting your tongue and acting out of kindness and compassion, rather than feeling compelled to speak your mind. She emphasizes being grateful and always finding something positive to say about the gift, as it originates from a good place. For errors like a misspelled name, Jackie Vernon-Thompson recommends waiting for a private moment to inquire about a correction, always leading with gratitude. Your facial expression should never reveal disappointment or disgust.
Handling Returns and Exchanges Discreetly
If a gift is not suitable, the handling of its return, exchange, or donation should be done discreetly. Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and author, confirms that you do not need to inform the giver that you do not intend to keep their present. If it's an item you dislike, Abbott suggests smiling, thanking them, and then donating it, taking care to ensure the giver never finds out. If an exchange is necessary, Leighton advises trying not to involve the gift-giver in the process whenever possible.
Additional Etiquette Oversights
Other behaviours can also signal disrespect. Smith warns against turning the gesture into a quid pro quo by expressing surprise or guilt for not having a reciprocal gift. A gift is meant to be a nice gesture, not a transaction. Vernon-Thompson also points out the rudeness of bypassing the card to go straight to the gift, which can communicate materialism. She advises reading the card first to acknowledge the sentiment, then opening the gift, and expressing gratitude again. Grace, appreciation, and composure should guide every gifting moment.
