Dear Abby Weighs In on Escalating Tipping Culture Debate
In a recent column, advice columnist Dear Abby addressed growing concerns about tipping expectations in various service settings, from drive-through windows to sit-down restaurants. The discussion highlights how gratuity norms are evolving and sparking discomfort among consumers.
Drive-Through Dilemma Sparks Broader Conversation
A reader identifying as Tipped Out in Idaho wrote to Abby expressing frustration with what they perceive as increasingly aggressive tipping requests. The reader described a recent experience at a cookie store drive-through where the clerk asked for a tip before completing the transaction. This encounter prompted reflection on whether tipping should be expected for services where customers don't utilize indoor facilities.
"When I go through a drive-through, I don't feel I need to tip because I'm not inside using their facility," the reader explained. "But if I don't, I get a disappointed look from the gal who gets paid to make and hand me my drink."
Family Experiences Highlight Tipping Tensions
The reader shared additional examples from family members, including a concerning incident where a restaurant server followed their niece outside to question a perceived insufficient tip. This behavior was described as particularly inappropriate and indicative of broader pressures surrounding gratuity expectations.
Economic considerations also factored into the reader's concerns. They noted that in today's economy, the traditional 20% tipping standard feels increasingly burdensome, with tips sometimes costing as much as a small entree during a lunch outing for two.
Abby's Practical Perspective on Gratuity Guidelines
In her response, Abby acknowledged the complex dynamics at play while offering clear guidance. She emphasized that while servers often depend on tips to supplement sub-minimum or minimum wage incomes, requesting tips directly remains inappropriate. The columnist described the server who followed a customer outside as behaving "beyond the pale."
"Although some establishments 'suggest' tips that can go as high as 35%, most customers give 15% or 20% of the total bill," Abby noted, providing context for current tipping norms.
Her ultimate advice was straightforward: "Quit complaining. If you think you received adequate service, leave a tip, and you will be warmly welcomed at whatever eatery you choose to patronize."
Additional Advice on Family Dynamics
The column also addressed a separate reader concern about uncomfortable family interactions during monthly music trivia nights. A Michigan reader described how their sister-in-law's habit of belittling her husband during these gatherings created tension.
Abby recommended direct but private communication, suggesting the couple express their discomfort with public criticism. She advised that if the behavior continues despite this conversation, ending participation in the activity might be the most appropriate solution.
Broader Implications for Service Industry Interactions
This exchange reflects wider conversations happening across North America about tipping culture evolution. As digital payment systems increasingly prompt for gratuity in non-traditional settings, consumers are grappling with when and how much to tip.
The column underscores how these financial decisions intersect with social expectations and service worker livelihoods, creating complex dynamics that extend beyond simple transactions.
Dear Abby, written by Jeanne Phillips who continues the legacy founded by her mother Pauline Phillips, remains a trusted source for navigating such interpersonal and societal challenges.
