Dear Abby: A reader writes about her brother's cruel and hurtful comments, which have left her questioning whether to attend his upcoming wedding. The brother, who recently found love again after his first wife passed away, lashed out in an email, criticizing the reader's facial expressions, mannerisms, and sincerity. The reader is devastated and considering skipping the wedding to avoid facing relatives who may share his negative views.
Brother's harsh words cause deep pain
The reader explains that she and her brother were never close but remained civil. After their mother, who lives with the brother, passes away, she fears losing contact with him entirely. She expressed her concerns in an email, only to receive a shocking reply. The brother claimed he disliked her facial expressions and mannerisms, felt she was fake, and asserted that others shared his opinion. The reader was deeply hurt, crying and becoming physically ill.
Should she attend the wedding?
The reader is torn: she feels she cannot face a room full of people who may have judged her integrity. However, she also considers her mother's feelings. Dear Abby advises that the brother's cruelty reflects his own issues, possibly unresolved sibling rivalry. While not attending is understandable, the reader should not let her brother's words isolate her from other family members. Maintaining relationships with other relatives is important.
Another dilemma: nightly visits from mother
In a second letter, a reader struggles with her mother's daily evening visits at 7:30 p.m., which disrupt her early morning work schedule and family commitments. Despite hints, the mother remains oblivious. Dear Abby suggests enlisting the partner's help for a direct conversation, setting a realistic visitation schedule (e.g., twice a week), and encouraging the mother to explore senior activities to build her own social life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
