The Hidden Psychology Behind Household Clutter
Our cluttered homes often reflect more than just messy habits—they reveal the complex stories we tell ourselves about who we might become. Professional organizers have identified a powerful pattern in how people justify keeping items they don't actually use or need, calling it the "ifs and buts" rule of decluttering.
What Exactly Is the 'Ifs and Buts' Rule?
"The 'ifs and buts' approach focuses on noticing the conditional language people use when they hold on to items," explained professional organizer Regina Lark. "Phrases like 'if I lose weight,' 'but I might need it someday,' or 'if we ever have guests' often signal that clutter is being kept for a future version of life rather than the one currently being lived."
This psychological pattern creates what organizers call "aspirational clutter"—objects connected to who we hope to become rather than who we realistically are right now. There's often an element of magical thinking at play, where we unconsciously believe the item itself might help create that future.
Recognizing Conditional Thinking in Your Home
Think about that fancy pizza oven you've never used, or those uncomfortable boots you keep because they were expensive. "When you hear yourself making statements like 'I'd like this sweater if it was a different color' or 'I like the sweater but it doesn't fit me,' you know we are leaning more towards letting it go," said Julie Naylon of No Wire Hangers Professional Organizing.
Professional organizer Tova Weinstock added, "When I work with clients and they start creating 'if and but' excuses while we purge, I know that's fear talking. Deeper down, they know that they'll never use that item."
The Historical Roots of Modern Decluttering Wisdom
"The gist of the 'ifs and buts' approach is sound and harks back to one of the earliest recorded organizing 'rules'—the 19th century quote from William Morris, 'Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful,'" said Lisa Zaslow, a professional organizer with Gotham Organizers.
She believes the "ifs and buts" rule essentially reframes this old guideline: Keep the best—let go of the rest. Basically, hold onto the items you don't need to make excuses for keeping, the ones that don't require a mental negotiation.
The Emotional Benefits of Breaking the Pattern
Increased emotional awareness is a significant positive effect of following this framework, noted Dina Smith, a professional organizer and founder of Closet Therapy with Dina. "The 'ifs and buts' rule helps people become more aware that they may be holding space for a version of themselves that may no longer fit," she explained. "Letting go of those items can create a sense of relief, clarity and self-acceptance."
This process can help people overcome their fears around letting go of stuff, which is ultimately empowering. "Instead of letting fear drive your decluttering session, take a moment to feel proud of yourself for getting rid of an item that felt 'if or but'-y," Weinstock suggested. "It's kind of liberating, isn't it?"
Potential Emotional Challenges and How to Navigate Them
On the other hand, the process might also take an emotional toll, so it's important to be mindful. "It may bring up grief or disappointment about goals that haven't materialized," Lark cautioned. "That's why this method works best when paired with compassion, reminding people that letting go of an item doesn't mean giving up on themselves—it simply means making space for what actually fits their life right now."
For those who struggle to get rid of anything, you might start by putting your "ifs and buts" items into a "maybe" pile and revisiting them later once you've tossed things that are easier to purge. "Those 'lower-hanging fruit' will give the client confidence to go back to their 'maybe' pile and generally let those things go," Weinstock advised.
A Tool, Not a Commandment
Resist the urge to treat the "ifs and buts" rule like some infallible commandment, however. "I've seen firsthand, after working with thousands of people, how 'simple' organizing rules can make people feel badly if they can't follow them," Zaslow noted. "It reinforces their thoughts that organizing is a difficult skill and can exacerbate feelings of shame and inadequacy when they can't master it."
She recommended viewing it as an organizing "tool" rather than a rule. "Ifs and buts" can provide helpful guidance or a framework for decluttering decisions, but it's OK if you're not vibing with that approach. "There's a reason that there's more than one tool in a toolbox—and countless types and sizes of hammers," Zaslow emphasized. "Don't take organizing rules too literally, and just use what's useful to you."
Ultimately, organizing works best when we focus on who we are right now, not who we might be someday. "The goal isn't to follow rules perfectly—it's to create a home that supports your life today," said Katie Hubbard of Turn It Tidy. When people understand that their space should support who they are now, not who they think they should be, decluttering becomes less about loss and more about freedom.
