Mouth tape, chin straps, and heatless curlers have become staples of TikTok's "go to bed ugly to wake up pretty" trend. While harmless in theory, these elaborate nighttime rituals raise a pressing question: When exactly are you supposed to have sex?
The Shift from Self-Care to Self-Policing
Beauty has always demanded time, money, and energy, but the modern twist is that it's often branded as self-care. A beauty editor admits to using lip stain, a $40 face cream, and 20 units of Botox, yet still feels it's "not enough." The obsession can quickly tilt into something less like self-care and more like self-policing. Behind the scenes, shareholders profit from this consumption, while individuals sacrifice intimacy and connection.
The Cost to Relationships
Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct professor at Northwestern University, explains that every relationship involves a paradox: "There's me, there's you, and there's us." Losing yourself in coupledom or retreating fully into yourself are both problematic. The goal is balance: "How do I love you without losing me?"
Elaborate routines can take over evenings, pushing intimacy aside. "If someone's elaborate routine takes over the evening, the whole schedule has to shift," Solomon says. "If you want to be asleep by 10:30 and still have time for intimacy, everything else has to get backed up." Your sex life becomes contingent on your bedtime checklist.
Rituals as Walls
Solomon notes that rigid rituals stop being care and start being walls. "The routines can be a perfect excuse to avoid closeness," she explains. "If your partner can't touch you because you're taped, masked, and strapped in, that's worth asking about." Underneath the obsession lies fear: fear of aging, fear of irrelevance, and fear of losing desirability. "That's the intersection of patriarchy, sexism, and ageism," Solomon says. "What industry would collapse if women decided that we were exactly beautiful as we are?" Billions of dollars hinge on the answer.
According to newly released data from the National Survey of Family Growth, sexlessness among young adults has risen sharply in the last decade. For men ages 22–34, it has doubled. For women, it is up by about 50%. The steepest decline is in mostly monogamous relationships, where people are partnered but still not connecting physically.
Rewriting the Rules
Solomon suggests reframing the ritual itself. Instead of a 12-step beauty routine, consider half an hour of reading books dedicated to pleasure, like Come As You Are or She Comes First. Journaling together or reducing steps to allow for a goodnight kiss without peeling off products can also help. Ask yourself what you are avoiding—perhaps it's not your partner, but the fact that the sex you're having isn't very good.
Scheduling Intimacy
Solomon recommends scheduling sex, much like a dentist appointment. "When couples wait until the very end of the night, intimacy almost always gets shortchanged," she says. "Being intentional doesn't make it less sexy. In fact, holding that time says: This matters to us." Texting each other about an "8:30 meeting" builds anticipation and becomes foreplay. "It becomes this fun little naughty world the two of you create together," she adds. Prioritizing each other before retinol reinforces the relationship.
More Isn't Always Better
Solomon concludes: "Some structure is good. But when it keeps growing—two steps, then five, then 12—that's a red flag. More isn't always better. Sometimes the ritual takes on a life of its own." If nights are consumed by products and rules, there's no room for intimacy, spontaneity, or rest. The real trick to waking up pretty may be going to bed fulfilled.
