Understanding Otroverts: The Psychology of Social Energy and Self-Acceptance
Have you ever enjoyed personality tests, pop psychology, or self-discovery? If so, you might have encountered the term "otroverts." For those unfamiliar, psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski introduced this concept in his 2025 book "The Gift of Not Belonging." Otroverts are individuals who outwardly behave like extroverts but require significant "introvert time" to recharge. The term derives from "otro," meaning "other," reflecting their feeling of being "othered" in social contexts. If this description resonates with you or someone you know, gaining insight into common otrovert challenges and therapeutic guidance can be invaluable. Below, therapists detail the frequent concerns expressed by otroverted clients and provide evidence-based responses.
Common Therapy Topics Among Otroverted Clients
Otroverts often grapple with understanding their energy levels, navigating social pressures, and more. These struggles can lead to confusion and frustration in daily life.
Confusion About Energy Levels
Otroverts typically desire social interaction and relational connections, but these activities can drain their nervous systems. This contradiction often leaves them feeling bewildered and irritated. Claudia Johnson, a therapist and clinical director at PNW Sex Therapy Collective, notes, "They’ll say things like, 'I can spend the whole night with friends and feel totally drained the next day,' and feel bad about it." This confusion is understandable, as they may question why social interactions are exhausting if they consider themselves "people-people," and why they feel guilt or anxiety when taking alone time to recharge.
Impact on Relationships
These energy fluctuations can also confuse or upset loved ones. Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist and researcher, explains, "Many describe difficulty navigating relationships where partners or loved ones expect a consistent level of availability, because at times, they can show up fully. When their capacity shifts, their needs change, and this is often misunderstood." Over time, this can lead to masking limits, pushing through exhaustion, and experiencing shame and depletion, creating a challenging cycle.
Worrying About Others' Perceptions
Another significant concern for otroverts is feeling misunderstood or unseen, tying back to the "other" aspect of their identity. Jessica Steinman, a licensed psychotherapist, states, "This can cause anxiety, worries of not being liked and patterns of people-pleasing. Also, otroverts may have some past traumas or issues with 'being othered,' which causes the 'extroverted need' to be seen and fit in."
Struggles in Social Settings
Otroverts may feel like outsiders since they don't fully identify as introverts or extroverts. Allyssa Powers, a therapist and educator, observes, "Often, otroverts appear to be totally enmeshed in a social setting, sometimes even acting as the center of attention, yet express feeling a sense of disconnection or loneliness afterwards." Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor, adds that these clients often feel "too much" in some settings and "not enough" in others, struggling to balance their desire for connection with the need for depth and recovery time.
Overfunctioning and Exhaustion
"Doing the most" is a recurring theme for otroverts in therapy. Vickery Rendall, a licensed clinical social worker, notes, "These clients may seem extroverted and cool on the job, but then they feel a cavernous internal processing and exhaustion. The main presenting problem in therapy is emotional numbing or being easily annoyed with loved ones." Courtney Morgan, a licensed therapist, highlights burnout and resentment as "the biggest theme," often stemming from their social roles. "They tend to be the ones orchestrating everything ... They spend their time in a group setting playing the role of an extrovert and also tracking how everyone else is responding," she says. Despite performing well socially, they rarely feel fulfilled.
Alyssa Kushner, LCSW, shares that otroverts might say in therapy, "Everyone thinks I’m confident, bubbly and social, but I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and don’t feel fully seen." This underscores their craving for connection without always feeling anchored to it, leading to further confusion.
Feeling Inadequate
All these concerns can make otroverts feel inadequate. Cristina Billingsley, a trauma and anxiety therapist, explains, "My otroverted clients come into therapy because they feel that they’re too sensitive, too quiet, get too socially drained when their peers don’t and feel like they’re somehow deficient because they don’t operate the same way louder and more externally expressive people around them do." She adds that clients report chronic overstimulation, isolation, and pressure to perform.
How Therapists Respond to Common Concerns
Therapists offer several strategies to help otroverts manage their unique challenges and foster self-acceptance.
Normalize the Experience
It's essential to recognize that wanting connection at times and needing space at others is normal. This doesn't indicate something is "wrong" or that one is "actually" an introvert or extrovert. Many therapists identify as otroverts themselves and encourage clients to respect their moment-to-moment needs. Kelley advises, "I work with them on unmasking so they can notice when they are pushing past their limits and start honoring their actual capacity instead of the version others expect. I remind them that they are allowed to have changing needs, and that needing space or adjustment does not mean they are inconsistent, unreliable or letting anyone down."
Encourage Self-Compassion
Understanding and accepting one's needs with grace is crucial. Therapists like Jacov help clients honor both their social and solitary sides, fostering self-assurance in social obligations. "We learn to tune into the body to recognize what level of energy is actually available," he says. "We build compassion and even appreciation for having these two opposing parts." Cognitive reframing, such as viewing temperament as a strength rather than a flaw, can also be beneficial, as suggested by Billingsley.
Help with Boundary-Setting
Steinman focuses on ensuring clients meet their needs and set boundaries assertively. This might involve declining invitations or practicing self-care. "We also look at how someone can take a step back and know when they need to get their 'cup refilled,' have self-care and tolerate any uncomfortable thoughts or feelings when they want to lean into their introverted side," she explains.
Adjust Unhelpful Thoughts
Rendall reminds clients that their worth isn't tied to social roles or performance. Morgan adds that realizing unrealistic self-expectations is key. "We practice letting silence exist, energy dip and letting someone else manage small hiccups," she says. Ultimately, Kushner emphasizes, "The ultimate goal here isn’t to become more introverted or more extroverted. It’s to feel regulated and authentic in both modes, and to be selective with who and what you give your precious energy to."
