Dear Abby: Alcoholic Ex Refuses to Accept It's Over, Advice Seeker Seeks Help
In a heartfelt letter to the renowned advice columnist Dear Abby, a woman from Alabama shares her distressing situation with an alcoholic former boyfriend who persistently refuses to accept that their relationship has ended. The advice-seeker, who signs off as "Breaking Away in Alabama," describes how "Ray" has undergone rehabilitation twice without success, yet continues to insist they will "work it out," despite her clear desire to move on.
The Struggle with Addiction and Unwanted Contact
The letter details Ray's ongoing struggles with alcoholism, which have persisted despite multiple attempts at treatment. Breaking Away explains that she has given him two chances, but his addiction remains unchecked, leading to controlling behavior and unwanted communication. She notes that even his family has distanced themselves, leaving her feeling isolated in her efforts to sever ties. "I don't understand why Ray can't get it through his head that I no longer want to be with him," she writes, expressing frustration over his inability to respect her boundaries.
Ray's controlling tendencies are highlighted, with the advice-seeker recounting how he still contacts her to dictate her actions, reminiscent of their time together. She emphasizes that she does not need such a person in her life and expresses hope for a healthier relationship in the future. The emotional toll is evident as she seeks guidance on how to handle this persistent and troubling situation.
Abby's Firm Advice: Block Contact and Consider Legal Steps
In her response, Dear Abby, penned by Jeanne Phillips, offers clear and direct advice to help Breaking Away regain control. Abby recommends immediately blocking Ray's number and avoiding any responses to his messages. She also suggests practical measures such as changing locks if Ray has access to her home, ensuring physical safety.
Abby advises that if Ray contacts her again, preferably when sober, Breaking Away should firmly state that there is nothing left to discuss and that she desires no further contact. "Tell him there is nothing more to work out. You no longer want any contact with him," Abby writes. She further cautions that if Ray's behavior escalates to stalking, Breaking Away should not hesitate to report him to authorities and pursue a restraining order, emphasizing the importance of following through if necessary.
Additional Letters: Family Conflicts and Medication Concerns
The column also includes other letters from readers seeking advice on diverse personal issues. In one, "Partied Out in Missouri" writes about a sister demanding an expensive destination birthday party, despite financial constraints among siblings. Abby suggests a more modest celebration or a collective financial contribution, advising against yielding to unreasonable demands.
Another letter from "Phyllis in Indiana" questions the emotional impact of medications like Viagra on relationships, expressing concerns about scheduled intimacy versus spontaneous love. Abby responds by highlighting that mutual desire and emotional connection are key, noting that satisfaction varies among individuals.
Dear Abby, founded by Pauline Phillips and continued by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, remains a trusted source for advice on personal and relational challenges. Readers can contact the column through DearAbby.com or by mail, seeking wisdom on navigating life's complexities.
