A woman recounts a transformative experience during a hands-on bodywork session with two practitioners, exploring pleasure without pressure, and realizing the rarity of mutual desire.
The Setup: A Retreat for Sexual Connection
Early in the pandemic, the author participated in a session with an organization she calls Yonis R Us (YRU), which hosts retreats in glamorous locales where women of all ages learn to connect with their bodies, sexuality, and desires. The bodywork sessions aimed to help participants accept pleasure and feel sexual without the pressures of body image, performance, or goal-oriented hetero sex.
When the founder, Nanette, offered a private session for free, the author eagerly accepted, despite feeling self-conscious about her pandemic body and untended pubic hair. Inspired by Emma Thompson's comments about accepting forthcoming nudity, she decided to embrace her body as it was.
The Session: Two Practitioners and Sensation Play
At a charming house in San Diego, Nanette and her associate Rod Steele welcomed the author. After disrobing, she received a massage with elements of sensation play, including scarves, a wheel toy, and consensual flogging. The practitioners always asked permission before introducing new sensations, such as touching erogenous zones and a butt plug.
Despite the skilled attention, the author found herself unable to reach orgasm. Her mind wandered, worrying about the practitioners' comfort and feeling pressure to climax out of politeness. She realized that raw chemistry and mutual desire are crucial for her arousal, not just mechanical stimulation.
The Climax: A Goal-Oriented Orgasm
Eventually, the practitioners used a Magic Wand vibrator, but even that did not work. The author's monkey mind blocked the pleasure. She recalled her best sexual experiences and how they involved a complex mix of lust chemicals and personal attraction. As Alain de Botton notes, great sex is a rare achievement of biology, psychology, and timing.
Finally, she mentally summoned images of her favorite porn and forced an orgasm, defeating the purpose of goalless pleasure. Afterward, the practitioners provided excellent aftercare, snuggling and offering popsicles while discussing the experience.
The Takeaway: Lessons in Sexual Self-Discovery
The author supports this type of work, recognizing that multipartner sex is a common fantasy according to Justin Lehmiller's research. However, she learned that sex with someone who desires you as much as you desire them is rare and beautiful. The session occupied a different space, allowing her to be sexual without pleasing another, and to explore deeply without emotional reverb.
She concludes that such experiences can be valuable for self-discovery, even if they don't replicate the ideal of mutual desire.
