Introduction
I love a good cameo when it is done right. A totally unhinged Matt Damon singing "Scotty Does Not Know" in "EuroTrip?" Love it! But too often, celebrity cameos are just plain pointless. Or bad. Or, worse yet, pointless and bad. These are the worst offenders.
1. Michael Jackson in "Men in Black II"
Michael Jackson was a fan of the first movie and reached out about doing a cameo in the sequel. The "Men in Black II" team pitched him on appearing as an alien, which would have been perfect: the famously eccentric King of Pop popping up as an extraterrestrial and getting a quick laugh. But Jackson did not want to play an alien. He wanted to wear the black suit. Instead of saying no, the filmmakers shoehorned him in as "Agent M," who calls on a screen to inform Rip Torn that a race of aliens called the Durlocks have departed and signed a peace treaty. The scene is not especially funny, and Jackson's performance is stiff and oddly uncomfortable.
2. Judi Dench in "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides"
Some cameos make sense. If Jack Black walks onscreen for a quick gag in a comedy, great. But when Dame Judi Dench, one of the most acclaimed actors alive, shows up in a "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequel for a mildly amusing ten-second joke, your brain does not go, "Ha!" It goes, "Wait, was that Dame Judi Dench?" By the time you have processed it, she is gone. And then you spend the rest of the movie wondering how it happened, why it happened, and whether Judi Dench was having money problems. That is the definition of pointless.
3. Donald Trump in "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York"
This has got to be the most pointless cameo of all time. According to director Chris Columbus, the production wanted to film inside The Plaza Hotel, which Trump owned at the time. Trump agreed for a fee, but also allegedly told them, "The only way you can use the Plaza is if I am in the movie." Columbus later added, "He did bully his way into the movie." Trump denies this and says the filmmakers begged him to appear. The cameo itself is aggressively useless. Kevin asks Trump where the lobby is, which raises an important question: since when are hotel lobbies hard to find? Trump points him down the hall, and that is it. It does not move the plot forward, add a joke, or reveal anything about Kevin. It just reeks of what it allegedly was: a tiny, awkward toll paid to secure the location.
4. Dan Aykroyd in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"
This cameo is not terrible. In fact, it is so harmless that plenty of people have watched "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" dozens of times without realizing Weber, the British-accented airport official who gets Indy onto the plane, is Dan Aykroyd. And that is what makes it so weird. Aykroyd was one of the biggest comedy stars in the world at the time, but the camera barely lingers on him, the scene does not give him a real joke, and the character exists mostly to deliver some minor exposition before disappearing forever. The real-world explanation: Aykroyd loved the franchise and basically asked Spielberg for any part he could get. Still, as cameos go, it is almost aggressively unnecessary. If the role could be played by anyone, what exactly is the point?
5. Madonna in "Die Another Day"
Having the singer of the Bond theme also appear in the film sounds fun. Imagine if Billie Eilish had wandered into a "Skyfall" scene, or Paul McCartney delivered some light exposition to Roger Moore's Bond. It had never been done in the franchise's 40-year history, but when they actually did it, it was not good. Madonna plays a fencing instructor who trades forced innuendo with Bond, saying, "I see you handle your weapon well." Bond replies, "I have been known to keep my tip up." Bond then tightens her corset, she tells him two mildly useful things about the villain, and that is it. Not much fun.
6. Stan Lee in "The Princess Diaries 2"
Stan Lee's cameos in Marvel movies were fun. He was a Marvel legend who co-created everyone from Spider-Man to the Black Panther. Seeing him appear in an Avengers movie made sense. But popping in the receiving line to meet the queen of Genovia, played by Julie Andrews, for some weak joke about him learning English from watching the Three Stooges? That was decidedly less fun and pretty damn pointless.
7. Ewan McGregor in "A Million Ways to Die in the West"
Some cameos are pointless because they do not produce any reaction. There is no memorable role, no laugh of recognition, no clever line, no joke. A strong example is Ewan McGregor in Seth MacFarlane's comedy-western "A Million Ways to Die in the West." MacFarlane's character asks a crowd why they are laughing at a joke that is not funny, and McGregor, who is not even immediately recognizable, says he only laughed because the guy next to him did. That is the entire cameo. According to Charlize Theron, McGregor happened to be filming nearby, she knew him, and she asked if he wanted to stop by. That is a perfectly charming behind-the-scenes story and also exactly why the cameo feels so random and tossed off.
8. Harry Styles in "Eternals"
Marvel loves their post-credits scenes that set up future movies, but the one at the end of "Eternals" might be the most audacious. It does not just tease a new character. It introduces one of the most famous people on earth, gives him a grand entrance complete with a little troll reading out his full list of titles, and then ends. That is it. Harry Styles shows up, smirks, says he is there to help, and the credits roll. The real kicker is that Eros has not appeared in a single MCU project since. No sequel. No follow-up. Nothing. So weird.
9. Iggy Azalea in "Furious 7"
I will start by saying something nice. Iggy Azalea looks very cool in her ten seconds on screen. But this cameo is a miss. First, it is presented like a major entrance. The movie cuts to Iggy, shot from the hero angle, as she emerges from a massive truck like she is about to say something that will change the course of the franchise forever. And then she tells Letty: "Hey, there is the girl I have heard so much about. Where you been at, ghost girl?" And then she is gone, never to be seen or mentioned again in any subsequent "Fast and Furious" film. Pointless. Also, if a line like that turns into something fans mock tirelessly, the cameo did not work.
10. Daniel Craig in "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Similarly, if Daniel Craig cameos in a "Star Wars" movie and nobody can tell it is him, is it really a cameo? Craig secretly played the stormtrooper whom Rey tricks into releasing her from captivity. He was filming "Spectre" at Pinewood Studios in London while "Star Wars" was shooting nearby, and basically asked if there was any way he could be in it. The scene itself is good. It is an important Rey moment. The problem is that Craig is completely hidden under stormtrooper armor, meaning the cameo only works if someone tells you afterward, "By the way, that was Daniel Craig." What is the point of casting James Bond in a cameo if the audience has absolutely no idea it is him?
11. Cate Blanchett in "Hot Fuzz"
This one is a lot like the last one, where the filmmakers seemingly asked, "What if we got Cate Blanchett and then made absolutely sure nobody could tell it was Cate Blanchett?" Blanchett plays Janine, Nicholas Angel's ex-girlfriend, in the early crime-scene breakup scene, and she is covered head-to-toe in forensic gear. So one of the most acclaimed actors alive appears in the movie, and unless someone tells you later, you have no idea. To be fair, that was apparently the joke. Director Edgar Wright has said the idea was essentially, "Let us get an Oscar winner in there but not see her face." Still, as a cameo, it just makes me shrug.
12. Andy Garcia in "Passengers"
Andy Garcia appears in "Passengers" for one shot. He has no lines, and it lasts all of fifteen seconds. Garcia plays Captain Norris, the commanding officer of the ship, who spends the entire movie asleep in his hibernation pod. He wakes up at the end, steps out of the elevator, looks around at the jungle Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence have grown inside the spacecraft over their lifetime together, reacts with a mildly surprised face, and that is it. Movie over. Garcia actually filmed more scenes, but they were cut. So there is an explanation for a movie star appearing for one wordless, confused expression, but it is still bizarre and pointless.
13. Stephen Colbert in "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug"
Colbert plays a Lake-town spy. He has no lines. His entire cameo consists of turning his head, letting his eyepatch slide down, and then the movie moves on. To be fair, Colbert is famously a massive Tolkien geek, so on a human level, it is cute that Peter Jackson let him sneak into Middle-earth for a few seconds. But is that really the point of a cameo, so a celeb can have his fanboy moment? Cool for him, almost completely meaningless for everyone else.
14. Tyler Perry in "Star Trek"
Tyler Perry plays a Starfleet Academy official who presides over Kirk's disciplinary hearing after Kirk cheats on the Kobayashi Maru test. The scene itself is fine. Perry even gets actual dialogue. But that is also what makes the cameo so weird. Why is Tyler Perry here? Why did director J.J. Abrams look at this tiny Starfleet administrator role and think, "You know who this needs? Madea!" Perry does not do anything wrong, but his presence is so random that it briefly yanks you out of the movie.
