Funniest Parent Tweets of the Week: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents post about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents across social media platforms like X, Threads and Bluesky to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch.

This Week's Funniest Parent Tweets

Here are some of the best parenting tweets from the past week that will make you laugh out loud.

Jane Dashley (@JaneDashley): 'My mom came over to watch my three year old yesterday and he tried to tell her he was allowed to watch Jaws.'
taoki (@justalexoki): 'It's actually incredible how much kids just accept arbitrary rules. Like our kid gets 5 candies on movie night because he's 5 years old and he's just like "i wish i could have more" and ur like "yeah :/" and then he just moves on? Incredible.'
Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4): 'My son asked me what was for dinner & even my dog looked annoyed when I said “chicken.”'
redyellowgreendance (@RYGdance): 'When your boss and your child have the same first name, you might text your boss things like “Your toothbrush is dry, come back up and brush your teeth again please.”'
Aunty Mariah (@ariibay): 'My toddler who is unemployed and wants to eat salmon for every meal walks into the kitchen. 3yo: what are you doing mommy? Me: frying fish. 3yo: Salmon? Me: No. 3yo: oh. *quietly walks away* Few mins later he returns to the kitchen. 3yo: well I like Salmon *walks away again*'
meghan (@deloisivete): 'What wine pairs best with surviving multiple kid birthday parties on the same day.'
Hollie Harris (@allholls): '*"Never Gonna Give You Up" plays in a movie* 15yo: Isn't that the rickrolling song? 8yo: Did you know the singer's name has ass in it?'
T a y (@tieyoo): 'My kid got into a tiff with her friend at school and why did she say “I was so mad I wanted to spit in her pocket but I told my brain no” ???? girl what.'
Simon Holland (@simoncholland): 'One thing I know for sure. The kids are going to put some kitchen garbage in the little bathroom or bedroom trash cans.'