While festive films often paint the perfect picture of couples celebrating Christmas together, a growing number of partners are choosing a different path. They are opting to spend the holidays apart, a decision that often comes with social stigma and judgment. We spoke to nine couples and relationship experts to understand why separating for the season might not be a red flag, but a sign of a secure and flexible partnership.
Real Stories: Why Couples Choose Separate Holidays
Sophie, 28, has been with her boyfriend for eight and a half years. They start Christmas Eve together, but she always travels on Christmas Day to be with her own family. "I adore spending Christmas Day with my family and can’t bear to miss out on that," she explains. She also notes they spend New Year's Eve separately due to long-standing friend traditions, emphasizing the importance of all relationships in their lives.
For Jas, 31, the separation stems from family dynamics. She has been with her partner for three years but doesn't bring him home. "My parents always hate my boyfriends," she shares, citing parental disapproval over careers. To avoid conflict, they spend Christmas separately.
Emma, 33, and her partner, both only children, have spent only one Christmas together in a decade. "We both know that if we’re not there, our parents would be on their own, and we couldn’t bear that," she says. Living together makes the temporary separation feel less significant.
Amy, 29, a British digital nomad with a partner from Costa Rica, highlights cultural and logistical reasons. "For him, Christmas has never been a big deal," she says, while she loves the holiday. Differing traditions, high travel costs, and pet care make separate celebrations practical.
Lottie, 30, chooses to work over Christmas for the higher pay and to give time off to colleagues. She's been with her boyfriend for three years and hasn't spent a Christmas with him. "We’re so happy together. We just don’t need to spend Christmas together," she states.
Bex, 28, recently engaged, will spend this Christmas apart from her fiancé. After losing both grandparents this year, she wants to support her mother. "Christmas is a time for family, so it’s OK to spend it with our loved ones, separately," she reflects.
Penny, 33, (a pseudonym) and her girlfriend of five years spend Christmas apart because they are not out to their parents. "For us, Christmas is spent apart as we aren’t out to our parents," she explains, a reality for many queer couples navigating complex family situations.
Rosie, 29, and her partner of seven years have never had a Christmas Day together due to strong separate family traditions, often involving travel to New Zealand. They always reunite for New Year's Eve, which she sees as more of a couple's occasion.
Laura, 29, lives abroad in Amsterdam with her partner of seven years. Christmas is their prime time to visit their respective families. They celebrate their own Christmas together once they return home.
Expert Insight: It's About Intentionality, Not Proximity
Relationship experts confirm that shared holidays are not a mandatory ingredient for a healthy partnership. Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney, told HuffPost, "Despite what festive films and social media might suggest, spending Christmas together isn’t a relationship requirement."
She argues that flexibility can indicate strength. "A relationship isn’t defined by matching festive plans, it’s defined by how supported you feel, even when you’re not in the same room."
Thais Gibson, Ph.D., a relationship expert and founder of the Personal Development School, stresses that any decision must be a mutual compromise. "A successful compromise leaves both partners feeling seen and satisfied. It has to be mutual," she clarifies.
How to Stay Connected When Apart
Experts agree that intentional effort is key to maintaining closeness during physical separation. Knight suggests scheduling video calls to exchange gifts, sending voice notes, or sharing photos throughout the day. Planning a post-holiday reunion or a "second Christmas" can also give both partners something to anticipate.
Gibson recommends deepening connection through vulnerable conversations about the experience of being apart. For fun, couples can stream a movie simultaneously, play an online game, or order the same meal for a video chat dinner date.
The consensus from both couples and professionals is clear: there is no single blueprint for a happy holiday season. The health of a relationship is measured by mutual respect, understanding, and the freedom to honor individual needs—even if that means celebrating from different couches.
