A concerned father from New York has written to the renowned advice columnist Dear Abby, expressing his deep frustration over his 36-year-old son's apparent refusal to settle down and start a family. The letter, published on December 22, 2025, reveals a classic generational clash where parental expectations are colliding with an adult child's autonomy.
Parental Desperation Meets Son's Resistance
The father describes his son as a prime candidate for marriage: 6 feet tall, athletic, devout, a homeowner, and earning over $100,000 annually. Despite these attributes, which the parents believe make him an ideal catch, their son remains single and has, according to the letter, "completely given up on dating."
The parents have taken an extraordinarily hands-on approach, arranging blind dates, facilitating meetings through their church, and even paying for and insisting their son attend dating events. Their efforts have yielded no success, and the situation has grown tense. The son has become angry at the constant pressure, and the father's covert observations revealed a painful pattern: on several arranged blind dates, his son was stood up.
"At 36, he should already have children and a partner," the father laments, signing off as "Dad Losing Hope in New York." His central question is how to ensure his son finds a wife before he, the father, grows too old.
Abby's Blunt Advice: Step Back
The response from Dear Abby, penned by Jeanne Phillips who continues the column founded by her mother Pauline Phillips, is unequivocal. Her advice is capitalized for emphasis: "STOP EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN DOING."
Abby argues that the son's chances of finding a partner will likely improve only when his parents retreat. She poses a critical question the parents seem to have overlooked: Has their son actually stated he wants to be married? Abby points out that not all men desire marriage, a sentiment she frequently hears from women who write to her.
The columnist subtly reframes the issue, suggesting the parents are projecting their own desires for grandchildren and a traditional family path onto a son who may have different life goals.
Other Letters Highlight Family Complexities
The same column featured two other letters underscoring the complexities of adult relationships. One writer, "Distanced in North Carolina," mourns the fracture of her once-close family of four siblings after their parents' death. Issues include a sister who allegedly took financial advantage of their parents and a brother's daughter's wedding from which that sister is excluded.
Abby advises against intervening in the wedding dispute, noting the writer is clinging to a fantasy of family harmony and that making waves would only cause further alienation.
In a more eyebrow-raising query, a widow from Kentucky writes about a male friend—the best man at her wedding to her late husband—who texts her daily greetings and flower emojis. He recently invited her to a nude campground overnight. Abby confirms the friend is "definitely interested," but cautions the widow to find out exactly what his intentions are before accepting such an unconventional first date.
The collective advice from the December 22 column underscores a common theme: navigating adult relationships requires respecting boundaries, managing expectations, and clear communication, whether between parents and children, siblings, or potential romantic partners.
