Monkey Branching: The Toxic Dating Trend Experts Warn Destroys Trust

From "loud looking" to "shrekking" and "retromancing," modern dating is filled with buzzwords describing various approaches to romance. While some trends foster healthier communication and connection, others clearly fall into toxic territory. One prominent example of the latter is the practice known as "monkey branching."

What Exactly Is Monkey Branching?

Monkey branching occurs when a person remains in their current relationship despite knowing they want to leave, all while actively seeking their next partner. Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff explains this behavior allows individuals to avoid being alone after a relationship ends, creating a seamless transition without any real break between partners.

"It's the 'I'll leave... once I have a backup' approach to dating," said Priya Tahim, a licensed professional counselor. "Monkey branching means having one foot in a relationship and another foot in a potential future one."

Dating coach Julie Nguyen describes the phenomenon as staying "half-in" your current relationship while "quietly auditioning" a potential new partner through behaviors like flirting, emotional texting, or sharing private struggles about your current relationship.

"This begins emotionally as your energy and investment shifts away from the relationship you're in," Nguyen noted, emphasizing that monkey branching constitutes a form of emotional cheating.

The Psychology Behind Monkey Branching

Experts identify several psychological drivers behind this problematic dating behavior:

Fear of being alone: "Monkey branching is just fear of being alone dressed up as 'dating strategy,'" Tahim explained. "It says someone can't fully commit, won't sit with discomfort, and would rather keep a safety net than actually show up."
Commitment issues: This behavior often signals deeper problems with commitment and emotional regulation.
Lack of self-trust: Romanoff noted that people who engage in monkey branching often "lack self-trust and have little confidence in their ability to manage being alone and regulate their emotions independently."
Avoidance of emotional processing: Instead of confronting difficult feelings, monkey branchers seek immediate distractions or replacements.

Therapist Sarah Barukh acknowledged that ending a relationship without knowing what comes next can feel unbearable for those with intense fear of being alone or dealing with uncertainty. "That's very human," she said, "but it can still be painful for everyone involved."

The Destructive Consequences

Monkey branching creates multiple negative outcomes for all parties involved:

Erosion of trust: "This avoidance can erode trust in the existing relationship and deny the partner a clear, respectful ending," Nguyen warned.
Emotional baggage: When someone moves from connection to connection without pause, there's little space for emotional processing or closure. Unfinished dynamics get carried forward, and unresolved issues often get repeated.
Vicious cycles: This behavior creates patterns of quickly jumping from relationship to relationship—often with incompatible partners—simply to avoid being alone.
Broken trust and insecurity: "Honestly, it's a recipe for disaster, and it wrecks trust because no one feels chosen when someone is always reaching for another branch," Tahim noted. "The impact is severely broken trust, major insecurity for the partner stuck waiting, and a relationship that's always half-empty."

Barukh emphasized that monkey branching violates ethical boundaries and reflects a lack of emotional accountability and relational integrity. "Many people think of cheating as only physical, but emotional investment and intention matter just as much," she said.

A Healthier Alternative Approach

Experts unanimously recommend a more honest, direct approach to ending relationships:

Address challenges directly: "Whether a relationship is monogamous or some form of non-monogamy, there is still an agreement about honesty and care," Barukh stated. It's better to confront difficulties openly rather than act dishonestly in secret.

Have the difficult conversation: "The healthier path would be to sit through the discomfort of having a clean breakup," Nguyen advised. "This means having a hard conversation and then feeling the painful ending that's needed to grow."

Practice honesty with kindness: "Be honest, period," Tahim recommended. "Telling the truth with clarity and kindness beats playing games or leaving someone hanging. Doing it this way lets both people actually move on instead of staying stuck in someone else's emotional mess."

Embrace the discomfort: While difficult, a direct approach shows integrity and respect. "It's hard, but it's far more respectful than slowly detaching while building something elsewhere," Barukh noted.

The Benefits of Proper Closure

Taking time between relationships offers significant advantages:

Emotional processing: "Discomfort is part of that process, but it is also where self-awareness and emotional maturity develop," Nguyen explained.
Pattern recognition: "Taking time to reflect on what worked, what didn't, and what patterns you want to shift creates stronger foundations for future relationships."
Empowered dating: "When you give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship, you can also have time to reflect on what you gained—lessons, insight, knowledge," Romanoff said. "So you can feel more empowered as you embark on the dating scene, instead of desperately feeling motivated by fear."

Moving forward with intention rather than overlap allows individuals to build more solid connections in future partnerships. This approach respects all parties involved and fosters healthier relationship patterns moving forward.