A Canadian grandmother is grappling with profound family estrangement after her grandson deliberately excluded her from his wedding and failed to acknowledge a significant financial gift, prompting her to seek guidance from the renowned advice columnist Dear Abby.
A Deliberate Distance and a Secret Wedding
The grandmother, who signs her letter "Estranged by Association," details a painful separation that began four years ago. Her grandson, referred to as "Ethan," moved out of his mother's home with his fiancée and chose not to share his new address with his parents. This physical distance evolved into a deep emotional chasm.
Despite this, the grandmother maintained a connection, sending Ethan cheques for his birthday and Christmas and even helping him with vehicle repairs. The situation reached a critical point surrounding Ethan's wedding. He initially told his grandmother she would be invited, expressing that he would not invite his own parents as he feared they would "make it about themselves." He promised her a nice photograph from the photographer instead.
A Broken Promise and a Cashed Cheque
The wedding date came and went without an invitation. The grandmother discovered the event had occurred through social media photos. Despite the snub, she sent a congratulatory card with a substantial cheque enclosed as a wedding gift. Ethan cashed the cheque but provided no acknowledgment of the card or the gift, an act the grandmother describes as "beyond rude."
Now, facing her grandson's upcoming birthday, she is torn. She debates whether to ignore the occasion or to "be an example of unconditional love" by sending a card, albeit without any money. She seeks Abby's counsel on how to proceed in this fractured relationship.
Dear Abby's Clear-Eyed Counsel
In her response published on January 13, 2026, Abby (Jeanne Phillips) offers straightforward advice. She agrees that not being invited after a promise was a breach of etiquette and that cashing the gift cheque without a thank-you indicates a clear choice to distance himself.
Abby advises the grandmother that she is free to send a birthday card if she wishes but should not be surprised if it, too, receives no response. The implication is clear: the grandson has set a boundary, and continuing to send monetary gifts is unlikely to repair the rift and may only lead to further hurt.
A Second Plea: Navigating Grief at a Reunion
The same column features a second letter from "Undecided in Los Angeles," a woman hesitant to attend her 25th class reunion due to a family tragedy. She explains that a series of family crises, including the loss of a daughter who would have been graduating this year, caused her to withdraw from friends five years ago.
She fears being a "wet blanket" if asked about her daughter and wonders how to handle such conversations. Abby, offering condolences, advises her to respond truthfully if asked, stating simply that her daughter passed away years ago. If pressed for details, Abby suggests saying she does not wish to discuss it further and changing the subject, empowering the woman to control the conversation about her profound loss.
These twin letters to Dear Abby highlight the complex, often silent struggles within families: the pain of intentional estrangement and the enduring weight of grief. They underscore the challenging etiquette of modern relationships and the difficult choices individuals make to protect their emotional well-being.
