In a heartfelt letter to the renowned advice columnist Dear Abby, a woman in her early thirties has laid bare a common modern dilemma: the conflict between financial stability and pursuing a lifelong passion. The letter, published on December 29, 2025, reveals a person caught at a professional and personal crossroads, feeling the weight of a depressing job smothering her creative ambitions.
The Conflict Between Stability and Passion
The writer, who signs her letter "Stymied in California," describes a life that is happy in many respects. She is recently married to a man she loves, has moved into a new house, and enjoys friends and hobbies. However, her professional life stands in stark contrast. She works in marketing for a technology company, a field she describes as high-stress, fast-moving, and filled with impatient people. While she once managed work-induced depression through running, writing, and time with loved ones, these coping mechanisms are no longer as effective.
Her core dream is to become a novelist, but the demands of her job have left her feeling like a failure for trying to write amidst the chaos. The financial realities are a significant barrier. She and her husband rely on their dual incomes to afford their mortgage and save for future goals, like having a child. Her husband is also unhappy in his own tech job but continues for the sake of their shared financial security.
Abby's Practical Compromise
In her response, Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips) offers a measured, practical solution. She advises against quitting outright, recognizing the financial peril that could create. Instead, Abby suggests a strategic compromise: seeking a part-time position in the tech industry. This approach would provide a continued, though reduced, income to help with mortgage payments while freeing up precious time to dedicate to writing.
Abby recommends giving this new arrangement a one-year trial period. During this time, "Stymied" could focus on producing her novel and gauging any external interest in her work before making a more permanent career decision. The columnist signs off with a note of encouragement, wishing her luck in navigating this challenging transition.
A Second Letter Highlights Financial Strain in Marriage
The same column features a second letter highlighting how financial and health pressures can strain a marriage. A woman from Indiana, married for 18 years, writes that her husband has recently insisted she pay for her own medical bills from her separate account, despite them having joint finances and medical insurance. With a history of thyroid cancer in her family, she feels his complaint that she sees doctors "too often" for annual check-ups is unfair and leaves her feeling financially insecure.
Dear Abby's advice here is direct: it is time for a formal financial discussion. She recommends the couple sit down with a financial adviser or CPA to create a new arrangement that feels equitable to both partners, ensuring that health concerns are not met with resentment but with shared responsibility.
These letters, published just minutes apart, paint a poignant picture of the intersecting pressures of career dissatisfaction, financial anxiety, and personal dreams—challenges that resonate deeply in today's fast-paced economic climate.
