"Wait, why weren't we invited? There are a thousand people there!" I asked my husband Garret, a well-known music producer in Los Angeles. Scrolling through Instagram, I watched celebrities flood Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's wedding at Madison Square Garden. "I got a text but I thought it was spam," he said defensively.
"WHAT!?" I exclaimed in disbelief. My heart pounded as I saw endless wedding posts. "Yeah — remember I told you I got a text from her manager? I didn't respond. It didn't sound like him."
"It was probably an assistant!" I scolded, frustration mounting. "Oh," Garret said, sounding apologetic. Married for 32 years, we've lived in the same house, but apparently occupy different worlds. As a psychotherapist with over a decade in marriage and family therapy, I've seen many women feel misunderstood by their husbands. At that moment, I related entirely.
The Missed Invitation
"So let me get this straight: we were invited… and you didn't click on the invite?" I asked. "Yeah," he shrugged. "I thought someone was trying to hack my address book." Reeling, I left the room, jaw clenched, taking deep breaths. I recalled 2012, when Garret worked with Swift on her album Red. She visited our remote studio in Topanga, California, singing "The Last Time" with Gary Lightbody. Garret said she was the driving force. She later had dinner with our family — warm, confident, a true storyteller who charmed us with wit and grace.
Returning, I tried to hear him out but wasn't listening. "But it's Taylor Swift!" was all I could manage. "I know," he said, "but why would you even want to go?"
Why I Wanted to Go
Why? Because it's fun and romantic, I thought. In a time of nightmare and hopelessness in America, many seek something sweet like a fairytale wedding to cheer us — or at least distract. I'm not a die-hard Swiftie, but as a therapist, I understand the impact of young women hearing their experiences in her songs. Taylor sings about love and heartbreak, but also what women often hide: jealousy, anxiety, body issues, overthinking, self-criticism. She's vulnerable, exposing unpretty pieces, saying what many think but never voice.
She's a complicated icon who challenged homophobia, donated millions to charities, and confronted right-wing politicians. Yet she's critiqued for capitalism, private jet use, and "white victimhood." Still, her wedding spectacle felt dreamy and optimistic. "I wanted to go because it would give me a bit of hope," I told Garret. "Hope for love! Hope for good in the world — maybe hope in America at a dark time. And I'd have loved to hear the musical guests. I mean… Stevie Nicks was supposed to play!"
Men vs. Women: Different Priorities
He paused, then seemed to realize he'd disappointed me. Not on purpose, but the disappointment was real. "Sorry hon… I'm sorry," he said. "It's really hot out there — it would've been hot." I felt myself losing my mind again. We were invited to the wedding of the decade and didn't go because of heat? We didn't even RSVP no. How rude! (Sorry Taylor and Travis!)
I thought about how women carry emotional baggage while men focus on function. Research from the University of Texas shows women center on building bonds, men on fixing problems. In this case, I saw a need for love, milestone stories, and hope — a desert of levity. So there we were on a hot, smoggy LA day at an impasse.
Repair Attempt
An hour later, Garret brought home my favorite dinner, hugged and kissed me. We were back in our usual flow. Julie and John Gottman, renowned researchers, call this a repair attempt — a small gesture to de-escalate tension and restore bond. At dinner, he said, "Sorry again." "No worries, honey," I meant it.
Our marriage isn't perfect; sometimes we're surprised it's still going. Last year we struggled after becoming empty nesters, moving from countryside to city. I recovered from a brain tumor; he worked on his longest, hardest project. We were on edge, with conflicts and late-night arguments about our future, but we always repair. Repair is the heart of our partnership.
Bigger Things
After cooling down, I realized our lives hold bigger worries than Taylor Swift's wedding. My mom had just passed. Garret deals with an aging father in Ireland. We're contemplating another move. The world feels undone, with terrible things happening daily. Despite my disappointment, I forgave him. A missed wedding won't break us. We're stronger than that. Still, it would've been fun to see her dress.
