A recent Reddit thread on r/AskMen asked users why they didn't propose in long-term relationships. The responses reveal a range of reasons, from fear of divorce to fundamental incompatibility. Here are 15 candid explanations.
Reason 1: Fundamental Differences
One user admitted he stayed with his partner for eight years out of obligation, despite knowing they were fundamentally different. He felt indebted to her for helping him through a dark time but eventually realized they were a bad fit. With his current partner, he wants to marry as soon as possible.
Reason 2: Fear of Financial Ruin
Another man expressed terror at the idea of signing over his assets to a woman who could change her mind. He called marriage "the most insane thing a man can do," comparing it to Russian roulette.
Reason 3: One Foot Out the Door
A user shared that he had one foot out the door for years but didn't know how to break off the relationship. He eventually found the strength to end it.
Reason 4: Financial Instability
One man delayed proposing because he and his partner were broke and had little control over their careers. He wanted to build a stable foundation before asking her to commit for life.
Reason 5: Great Sex, Bad Relationship
A user admitted he stayed for the wild sex, but the rest of the relationship was lacking. His partner had no sense of humor and didn't like trying new things, making her seem like "wife material" in his eyes.
Reason 6: Fear of Rejection and Divorce
A married man revealed he was terrified of rejection and divorce due to his parents' separation and his mother's multiple remarriages. He grew up hearing that women change for the worse after marriage.
Reason 7: Poor Sex Life
One user said his sex life was "absolute dogshit" and saw no hope for improvement. He felt emotionally weak and unable to end the relationship, fearing marriage would chain him further.
Reason 8: Disbelief in Marriage
A man approaching the 10-year mark with his partner doesn't believe in marriage as currently defined. He has committed his heart, body, and soul to her and named her as his trustee, medical proxy, and power of attorney.
Reason 9: Unresolved Issues
One user cited glaring issues like lack of sex that weren't fixed over the course of the relationship. He eventually proposed under pressure from both mothers, which he later regretted as it exacerbated the problems.
Reason 10: Hurtful Fights
A man said every time he feels ready to propose, a big fight occurs where his partner says genuinely hurtful things, making him reconsider.
Reason 11: Financial Irresponsibility
One user's partner is bad with money, spending everything each month without knowing where it goes. He's unsure about continuing the relationship or having children with her.
Reason 12: Something Never Felt Right
A user said something always felt off, first financially, then due to distance. When the relationship was at its best, his partner cheated. He considers it a bullet dodged, albeit after eight years.
Reason 13: Marriage as a Power Dynamic
One man argued that marriage puts pressure on the man to behave, while the woman can leave with more than she came with. He believes lack of marriage keeps women on their best behavior.
Reason 14: Dysfunctional Families
A user in a 14-year relationship said they've had ups and downs, including couples therapy. He doesn't want to burden his partner with his family and doesn't have the capacity to deal with hers. He loves her but sees no need for marriage.
Reason 15: Not the Marrying Type
One man never considered himself the marrying type and was upfront about it from the start of a 15-year relationship. After it ended, he met a woman who changed his mind, suggesting he may have known his ex wasn't the one.
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
