A year and a half ago, my mom, my sister, and I gathered for dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant in New York City with two of my aunts and my aunt's longtime best friend. Over glasses of wine, my mom, her two older sisters, and our family friend—who all lived, worked, and socialized in Manhattan during the 1980s—spent the evening reminiscing about their apartments, careers, relationships, and other adventures from that era.
That night, I discovered surprising details about my mom. For instance, in her early twenties, she dated a wealthy man from another state who flew her back and forth on his private plane. These were stories I had never known or thought to ask about. It was a powerful reminder that before she became my mom, she was an individual with her own life and experiences unrelated to me or my siblings.
Over time, you might gradually learn fragments of your mom's life story through the occasional hints she shares. However, for many of us, the focus has always been on ourselves rather than our parents since birth.
Below is a list of questions you may never have asked your mom but should. Their answers will help you understand her more deeply, offering insight into her past, life experiences, and true identity. Here are 38 conversation starters to ask your mom right now:
- What is one of your earliest memories?
- What is the most trouble you have ever been in?
- What was your relationship with your own parents like?
- What is something you always wanted to do but did not, and why not?
- Was there something your parents did when you were a child that you vowed never to repeat?
- How many serious relationships did you have before settling down, and what were they like?
- What was your hardest breakup like?
- Growing up, what did you envision doing for a living?
- How have your views on womanhood evolved over your lifetime?
- If she worked: What was it like being a working mother at that time? Would you do it again? What would you change?
- If she stayed home: What was it like being a stay-at-home mother at that time? Would you do it again? What would you change?
- When did you lose your virginity and to whom?
- Who were your role models? Who did you admire when you were younger, and who inspires you now?
- What is the best trip you have ever taken?
- Who was your best friend growing up, and who is your best friend now?
- Have you ever had an abortion?
- Is there a moment or event that radically changed your worldview?
- Have you ever done something impulsive? How did it turn out?
- What moment from my childhood hurt you the most?
- What moment from my childhood frustrated you the most?
- If she married: When did you know you were ready to get married?
- When did you know you were ready to have children?
- What should I know about our family's medical history that could affect my health?
- What was the day I was born or adopted like?
- If she married: What was your wedding day like?
- What was the worst fight you ever had with my father?
- What is your favorite photo of yourself? Of our family?
- What was the first year of motherhood like for you?
- What do you want or wish most for your children?
- What do you want your funeral to be like?
- What was life like for you at my age?
- What were your biggest struggles or insecurities in high school?
- Were you ever sexually harassed or assaulted?
- Do you have any health issues you have never told me about?
- What would your perfect day look like? Describe it.
- What song or album means the most to you?
- Is the present year anything like you imagined it would be when you were growing up?
- What advice would you give to your younger self at age 20, 30, or 40?
The original version of this story was published on HuffPost at an earlier date.
