The Therapy Gap for Gen X
Millennials and Generation Z are often called the 'therapy generations,' known for prioritizing mental health and seeking counseling. But where does that leave Gen X? The demographic known for its independent streak and 'whatever' attitude is often assumed to be blasé about therapy. However, many Gen Xers—born between about 1965 and 1980—are now turning to therapy, though a 'shadow of a stigma' still lingers, according to Tracy Douglas, a therapist in Wisconsin who specializes in Gen X clients.
Mental health wasn't a dinner table topic in the 1970s and 1980s, Douglas said. 'Therapy wasn't seen as a proactive tool for healing and growth so much as it was an absolute last resort,' she told HuffPost. 'Because of that, many Gen Xers can still have a sense that they should be able to muscle through troubles on their own.'
Overcoming Past Negative Experiences
For some Gen Xers, off-putting experiences with quirky therapists from their youth have made them hesitant to return. Douglas recalled a client who had a family session where the therapist forced everyone to hold hands and recite 'I love you.' 'It was so forced, awkward, and profoundly disconnected from their actual family dynamic that they never went back,' she said.
Despite these hurdles, more Gen Xers are trying therapy. In 2018, about 26% had sought therapy, according to the American Psychological Association, and that number has climbed since the COVID-19 pandemic fueled a therapy boom, partly due to telehealth.
Gen X as Committed Clients
'Once they're actually in the room, Gen Xers are often some of the most committed clients I work with,' said Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego. Her Gen X clients are adaptable and genuinely want to understand their lives. 'They respond really well when the work makes sense to them. When I can help a Gen X client see that the way they've been coping was a completely logical response to what they lived through, something shifts,' she said.
Top Issues Gen Xers Bring to Therapy
- Chronic stress and difficulty asking for help: Raised to be self-reliant, many Gen Xers take a DIY approach to problems. Marsh noted that many grew up with divorced or working parents, leading to a 'dismissing style' of attachment. 'When midlife hits and everything gets heavy, they don't reach out, they just keep going,' she said. Therapy often becomes the first time they slow down and feel what's been building for decades.
- Questioning long-term relationships: Douglas observed a 'massive un-mooring' in Gen X partnerships, especially among long-term straight couples. Many women are realizing they prefer being alone after carrying the mental load, while men are hitting a wall where stoicism no longer works. 'Husbands are realizing that to survive and thrive, they need to understand their emotional lives,' Douglas said.
- Burnout from caregiving: Gen Xers are often sandwiched between caring for kids and aging parents, while managing careers. Jessika Fruchter, a therapist in Oakland, California, said many are 'exhausted from white-knuckling through it all.' Hyper-independence becomes a liability, and therapy focuses on learning to ask for help.
- Adult children moving back home: Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, California, said many Gen Xers struggle with adult children in their 30s and 40s living at home without plans to leave. Parents struggle to distinguish between loving and enabling.
- Menopause: Gen X women are pattern breakers in being open about perimenopause and menopause. Fruchter noted that earlier generations rarely spoke about the toll on mental health, but Gen X women seek support for hormonal shifts, identity changes, and physical symptoms.
- Financial anxiety: The 'sandwich squeeze' of supporting aging parents and children who haven't launched financially creates anxiety. Douglas called it a 'financial and emotional pincer move' that leaves many feeling depressed about not measuring up.
- Unprocessed childhood wounds: Many Gen Xers grew up with high divorce rates and latchkey childhoods, where toughness was prized. Marsh said early attachment wounds resurface in midlife. 'A lot of my Gen X clients are genuinely surprised to realize that what they're dealing with in their 40s or 50s has roots in something that happened in childhood,' she said. Trauma-informed therapies like EMDR can be game-changing.
Marsh emphasized that beneath Gen X's self-sufficiency is a generation never given permission to need. 'For people who've spent their whole lives keeping it together with very little support, it's pretty profound to feel safe enough to be known by another person,' she said.
